Superfluous Baloney

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists. - Jean Rostand

The quote above sums up my current perspective of my employer . I feel like the teenager who just discovered her parents are human, watching them pummel to the ground from that tall pedestal they once sat upon. Two incidents have taken place that have left me very disappointed and cynical. I pride myself on being a pretty strong optimist for the most part. Unless my spidey senses start tingling, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. I thought, for the most part, the leadership at the company I work for (especially considering its size) had done a pretty decent job at simply doing the "right thing." They had adhered to the values that were set in place by a leader that encompasses those principles daily through his words and actions.

But not this week. This week rules were changed to accommodate a few key people that feel they are above such things. Those that think their role at the company is much too important for them to concern themselves with trivial policies that were written (in their mind's) to apply only to the little people. And leadership supported them on it. So a policy is going to be altered because two members of the good ole boys club deem it to be so. They wave their magic little wand and the world is put in place to suit them, rather than the wand being rammed up their ass and told to go fuck themselves.

This week has also shown me Witch Hunts are still alive and well and occurring with a startling regularity in this company. If the right person becomes frustrated with the hand they have been dealt it has become obvious that they reserve the right to take it out on the next guy in line. It is their prerogative to criticize every detail and take minor incidences and blow them completely out of proportion, shifting the blame from them to the poor slob behind them. Rather than having to look at the big picture and address their own shortcomings as a leader, they instead ridicule their subordinates and set them up for failure. They don't stop until the person ran out of town for good or burned at the stake (should they be of a more stubborn lot). And it has become very obvious there is not a damn thing I can do about it. It's political bullshit and someone in my position (especially being female on top of it) is incapable of successfully navigating the bureaucracy to stop it from happening. It makes me feel like a pathetic, useless slouch who is doomed to be tainted by the mounds up bullshit piling up around me. Eventually, my eyes will wind up as brown as their's.

I know their comes a point in everyone's lives when you have to either accept these shitty circumstances and roll over on your principles or walk away. Understanding that if you stay it will slowly eat away at your idealism until you have became a cranky old bugger just like the rest of them. I just did not expect this life lesson to slap me in the face so soon. I had hoped to hang onto the grand illusion a bit longer.

I will pick myself up and dust myself off and continue on, but I will do so baring the scars from this most recent battle. Scars that are bound to manifest themselves in a jaded, sardonic perspective of the world around me. I just hope it doesn't eventually beat all of the fire and passion out of me. Surely I possess enough strength and determination to maintain at least a steady glow.

Seven

7 things I plan to do before I die

1) Learn to ride a motorcycle
2) Get married (maybe when I'm 70)
3) Be happy
4) Kiss an elephant on the trunk
5) Visit Bora Bora
6) Have a child
7) Become queen of the universe

7 things I can do

1) Touch my tongue to the bottom of my chin.
2) Write decently
3) a cartwheel
4) Make macaroni n cheese from memory
5) Drink a decent amount of liquor
6) Touch my toes
7) Drive a stick shift

7 things I cannot do

1) Not be a smartass
2) Turn away an animal in need
3) Commit
4) Find Kuwait on a map
5) Stop procrastinating
6) stop cussing
7) Watch movies that involve an animal dying

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1) Sense of humor
2) Easy going personality
3) Smile
4) Eyes
5) strong, muscular back
6) Ambition
7) Mental and emotional stability

7 things I say most often

1) Oh for fuck sake
2) Are you fucking kidding me?
3) Ass clown
4) What the hell is wrong with people?
5) This is sucking my will to live
6) That's how I roll
7) This is lame

7 celebrity crushes

1) Matt Damon
2) Gerard Butler
3) Jeffry Dean Morgan
4) Channing Tatum
5) Sandra Bullock
6) Taye Diggs
7) Sean Connery (only when he played James Bond)

Okay...it's your turn.....

The industry I work in is full of overweight, white, conservative, Baby Boomer males. The "Good Ole Boys" club is still in full effect and rules the roost. As the rest of the world progresses into a less gender bias mind set, this industry stays stuck in the 1960s. They tolerate the presence of women in the work place and don't mind them much as long as they agree with the men. But heaven forbid they should have an opinion that deviates from the boys. The minute they do, they are regarded as overly emotional, hyper sensitive freaks. You get the "there, there now, go bake some cookies" looks and gestures. As if we shouldn't be worrying our pretty little heads over men's work. Obviously women's lack of a nasty sac of skin dangling between our legs with creepy lumps moving about makes us inept in a business environment.

I face this frustration daily in my current role with the company I work for. It is my responsibility to advise members of management on the appropriate disciplinary action to take with employees that have violated company policy or procedure. I think being a female allows me to consider situations presented to me from both a logical, business mindset, while still considering it is a human being I am dealing with that has a life outside of work. It is easier for me to remember this person may be having things going on outside of work that could play a role in any disciplinary issues in the work place. I'm not saying men don't have this ability as well, I just think more of them choose to ignore it. Being able to empathize with an employee, while still keeping in mind there is a business to run, is a unique quality many more women possess than men. However, when I attempt to show members of management both sides of the coin they tend to begin the "this is men's work" bullshit. I can explain it a million different ways, including the risk and liability involved with choosing to head in a different direction which would directly result in legal bills coming right out of their bottom line, but still they blow me off. I don't get emotional when I speak to them, I remain very calm and professional, but I also remain very firm. The conversation will typically end and they will then proceed to contact my boss, a male, immediately. One idiot even went so far as to say, "Call {boss}, he's a guy, he'll understand." WTF? It has nothing to do with being male or female. The company's policies remain the same whether a male or a female is interpreting them. And my boss will proceed to tell them the same thing I have said and they accept it and comply. Total bullshit.

I could just take the shit they give me and roll over, give up. But I've never been accused of being the meek and mild type. Nor have I ever been called a quitter. So why would I start now? I am going to continue to work my ass off getting the degrees, the experience, credibility with the right people, a flawless reputation until I am at the top looking down at the men that think I should stay in the kitchen washing the dishes. I am not going to stop until I'm so far up there is no where else to escalate anything to and demand they bake me cookies. I won't do it by being a bitch, or cut throat. I'll do it by busting my ass ten times harder then they do.

I won't ever be as good as a man, I'll be better.

Inside a battle is raging. The two armies battle all day long. Who will win? Sanity or the havoc wreaking "illness." The light or the dark.

The week was quiet, too quiet. The light rested on it's laurels basking in the rays of victory. So busy was it, enjoying the quiet, it forgot to watch for the dark creeping silently around the edges. The dark makes it move silently, slowly penetrating the light undetected. Stealthily it cuts down the light one particle at a time, poisoning it with negative, anxious thoughts. By dawn, the light is all but diminished. Darkness prevails throughout the day, bringing the light down and dragging it behind. By the afternoon there is not even a spark to be found, only the darkness remains. It picks and nags and stomps on thoughts that were once filled with light. It twists and taints them into paranoia and worthlessness. It seeps into every crevice, no area left untouched. Every element and facet of space is consumed with the relentless badgering. It echoes, bouncing off the surrounding walls and then repeats.

A few remnants of the light crawl toward the dark begging for mercy - trying to persuade it with bouts of logic and reality. But the darkness remains firm, immune and unswayed.

Will the light be able to regroup and bound back to fight the dark? Will it ever be strong enough to fight the battle and win? The darkness makes it hard to believe in return of the light.

Yesterday I was in a conference call with a HR manager out in St. Louis. The other attendees were my boss, the Director, and his boss, the Executive VP of HR. The topic is an investigation that took place earlier in the afternoon with the Department of Labor. The investigative team consisted of three egocentric, power hungry, societal rejects (all women). They spent four hours with the HR Manager lecturing, chastising, and threatening all over a little sticker on a piece of equipment that says "Must Be 18 to Operate." Needless to say I was pretty riled up over how they treated our HR Manager. I work with our field managers every day and feel protective of them. It irritated me to no end that they decided to target him as the next victim of their wrath. As we continue to discuss their behavior and the comments they made, I blurted out, "What a bunch of douche bags!" My boss looked at me with his eyebrows raised and the EVP responded, "Is that a term of endearment?" He chuckled and then told the HR Manager on the phone, "It's a good thing you were handling it, because I probably would have told them to fuck off!" Then he turns to me and says, "Another term of endearment." Ha. I love my job.