Superfluous Baloney

1) Lightning Bugs!! (We do not have these in CA)
2) My makeup melts off my face in .5 seconds after stepping outside.
3) "Gooey" is implemented into my vocabulary and consistently used to describe the weather.
4) Ticks (They freak me out!! Like as in irrational fear freak out.)
5) I can work up the same sweat just entering the car as I would during an hour long aerobics class.
6) Chiggers (ick! No chiggers in CA either.)
7) Everything that can be done pool side is accomplished first.
8) Less traffic on the way to work. (Hooray for less soccer moms on the road!)
9) A notable increase in adolescents hanging about the gym, pretending to workout while jabbering away on their cell phone.
10) If you expect me to leave the air conditioning, someone had better be dying.

I have a few friends struggling lately with such challenges as recovering from a painful divorce, trying to find employment in a depressed economy, not making enough money to afford gas to even get to the job that doesn't pay enough, etc.

As they call me to vent, whine, cursing at the unfairness of life and all of its hiccups I want to do whatever I can to be supportive and to make it better. Yesterday someone called me to do just that. They had had a frustratingly long day filled with pointless interviews for jobs they don't even want, viewing apartments they weren't even sure they could afford but desperately needed, and running three kids to various activities around town in between. They needed to vent, needed a sympathetic ear.

I am so used to being the person that people come to when life is shit. It is actually my job, an integral part of the profession I have chosen. People don't call Human Resources to tell them what a wonderful job their employees are doing or that their manager is a joy to work with. They call me to complain and get advice. Unfortunately I struggle with resigning this role once I leave the office. I don't stop to think that not everyone needs my advice. When they call to complain or vent often they just want me to shut up and listen. They don't need to hear my two cents (usually it's more like 50 cents). They just need someone to listen, really listen and sympathize. Someone to say, "I know that totally sucks. I wish I could change that for you." Someone who cares and wants good things for them.

As someone told me yesterday, I am not a "sweet" girl. I am not very sensitive or emotional. I tend to be more matter of fact and logical - occasionally to my own detriment. I think it stands to reason people, men in particular, are not looking for my "suck it up and deal with it" attitude. (Yes, I am a little rough around the edges.) I think some of the problem lies in my filter, or lack there of. See, I have to pretend to have a filter, i.e. tact, all day long at work. By the time I exit out those glass doors, it's all used up. I am worn out from faking it all day and struggle to continue the front when friends or family call me to vent. Occasionally they may need to hear my thoughts on the issue, but sometimes the best advice someone can give is none at all.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. - Henri Nouwen