Superfluous Baloney

Have you ever pictured yourself standing at the edge of a cliff trying to talk yourself into jumping? Not suicidal jumper, but maybe bungee jumper or hang glider. You're standing there with a friend. A new friend you are just getting to know. You start the countdown in your mind...10...9...8...7 and then they give you a hard shove right over the side. You thought everything was fine, humming right along, everything going smoothly. You're content, your comfortable. You'll jump when you're ready. The friend standing next to you, just shoves the shit of you. You're caught off guard, you start to loose control and your balance. Arms flailing in the air trying to grasp for anything solid, but you just continue to fall. Panic sets in. You weren't prepared. Had you had been ready you could have battened down the hatches and braced yourself for it. Thought out how to react to lessen the impact, ran through the instructions in your mind, played out the scene mentally. You could have remained somewhat in control of the situation. But they caught you completely unaware and now your spiraling to the ground out of control, like the Red Baron going down in flames and you can't even think because you're so consumed by panic. You can't remember the instructions, you can't remember any of the safety measures. Mayday, mayday...SOS...SOS.

Had you known them better, you could have trusted them to allow you to go at your own pace, when you were completely ready. They could have steadied you or even been at the bottom to catch. But you don't know them that well and now they've shoved and you can't even trust them enough to lessen the impact. You've completely lost control and ultimately will hit the ground. Hard. That's pretty much me today...I can see the ground in sight now and I'm definitely panicking.

I've started a few posts over the last few weeks, but they weren't all that fun. Or interesting. Or creative. And this one is promising to be any different to be really honest. There is just a lot of....shit, going on right now.

• Work is crazy again. I will be traveling to Toronto next week and St. Louis the week after. Kansas City, Indianapolis, Chicago and Memphis in January. Can you say Frequent Flyer Miles? A big project I have been working on since the beginning of the year is finally coming to fruition so I have to jetset around the country to ensure implementation goes well. That sounds really lame and boring, but will actually be a lot of fun.

• I'm getting another raise at work and an extra bonus for the aforementioned project. SA-WEET. I think I'm going to buy myself a flatscreen for a pat on the back.

• I'm dating again. Enjoying it some, sometimes not.

• Working out again regularly. Makes me feel a ton better. Getting more toned. But it's a bitch to keep up with on days like these that go on forever and ever.

• I'm not going home for Christmas. I talked to both sides of my family after Thanksgiving (I did not go home for that either) and realized I hate holidays now. When I am home for them I spend the whole day worrying about hurting the feelings of whichever parent I am not currently with. And it sucks. So, I decided the easiest way to avoid all that is not to go home. I'll rent movies or something.

• My best friend and her husband are coming here for New Years. I have never done a damn thing on New Years and I am SOOOOO excited! Mojitos for everyone!

• I'm very slooooooowly getting over a cold. Traveling with a cold sucks ass.

• I haven't had french fries in a very long time. Alright, two weeks, but in the land of carbohydrate junkies that seems like FOREVER.

• I turned 30. I feel exactly the same as did at 27. And 28. And 29. No Apocalypse, no earth shattering realizations or mysterious ailments. Not even a wrinkle or anything. Completely uneventful milestone.

So, that's about it. Told you I am boring.