Superfluous Baloney

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Snoopers

Have you ever known someone that chose, rather than asking you and trusting you, chose to snoop behind your back? You know, into your personal belongings like journals, blackberrys, cell phones, blogs even? And then again, instead of asking you about what they allegedly found they just jump to conclusions and make assumptions about you? This has happened to me and I am tired of this person attempting to utilize this information to manipulate me. The bottom line is they have to be pretty insecure individuals in the first place to lower themselves to such standards. It is sad in my mind this person could not at least trust me enough to speak with me about it instead of snooping and assumptions. I suppose this person lives in fear and paranoia and in their twisted minds this alleged damning evidence in their mind justifies their actions and insecurity and gives them an excuse to run away. The excuse they had been looking for since the day they met you. Well, good sir, you have your reason now in your mind. Take it and run. Run far, far away. Run right into the next female who won't be able to meet your standards either. The standards you make impossible intentionally to keep you from having to completely commit to anyone so you won't ever get hurt. How did I get so smart? I used to do the same thing. So keep on running, but eventually all you are going to end up is very, very tired.
posted by angelsarentfree at 5:23 PM 4 comments

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Sorry for the lack of posting these days. It was a long week with a conference at work which happened to include evening activities as well. Made for a very long week that I punctuated with excessive drinking on Friday night which led to an even longer Saturday as I tried to recover. Much like that last sentence it seemed the week may never end. But have no fear, Sunday is now showing its bright, shiny face and I am entrenched in the NFL and Nascar contemplating the beginning of yet another week.

Not only did I have to be Ms. Work this week (see pic for how well I cope at evening work functions), but I also found myself surprisingly single. It was my decision but I do have to say it was not one I had anticipated. I could say I'm not the least bit broken up over it, and do so quite convincingly, but I am a bit distraught over it. Not like in a weepy, sit around in my pjs eating entire cartons of ice cream kind of way, but still a bit in shock. It just sort of you know, changes things. (<-----understatement of the year). Once again I find myself having no reason to be geographically tied to any particular area. Whenever a slightly life altering event such as this one occurs, one can't help but to reevaluate a few goals for the next 3-5 years.

In another two years I will have the golden 5 years of experience many hold so dear in my field. Why it is such a magic number is beyond me, but it seems to mean a lot to folks in the scheme of things. If I can score the student loans, I should also have my Masters by then as well. The combo of these two should make me quite the marketable commodity in the job world. So, I've decided in the new year one of my goals will be to acquire a roommate for a bit. It would help me to be able to put a fortune in the bank and over the course of the next two years I would have enough for a down payment on a home...in the Midwest. Yes, that's right folks, I am planning yet another move that will span states. I want to move back to the Midwest to be closer to good friends. I'm very excited about the idea and feel it may get me closer to where I want to be from a personal perspective.

So yeah, that's my excuse for the absence. I think it's a darn good one myself. :)

posted by angelsarentfree at 1:04 PM 3 comments

Monday, October 08, 2007

Early Risers

Every morning when I get off the highway I turn left onto a street that acts as the border of a horse ranch/farm/stables thingy (that would be the So Cal coming out in me). In the early morning sun with the moisture laying low in the air, the dozens of horses stand elegantly erect along the fencing. Every once in awhile one will feel the "spirit move him" and will start prancing around, kicking its legs. The closer it gets to 8 am the more the horses start to stand along the northern edge of the fence line, facing the stables. On the mornings I am running a little later than normal I witness the reason for their attentiveness. A woman walks down the dirt road that divides one set of corrals from the other. She has the 100% devoted attention of each and every horse. Some pace the fence line as she continues to walk toward them as if they are trying to show off to get her attention. I know what you are thinking, she probably represents the equivalent of breakfast. But she doesn't carry anything in her hands so food is not what they are expecting. Their excitement over her approach doesn't appear to be incentivized by hunger pains.

Their attentiveness reminds me of the way my pups greet me when I walk in the door at the end of a long day of work. It always manages to bring a smile to my face when I witness that complete uninhibited joy they display when I simply walk through the door. As if they have patiently waited all day for nothing else. They jump all around my feet waiting for me to simply bend over and give them a pat on the head or a scratch on the ears.

I never knew horses shared that same kind of emotion. Every morning when I see them patiently waiting, their eyes focused on the barn to the east, I smile. As she begins her walk down the middle my smile broadens as the horses begin to prance and neigh to get her attention. Such graceful, beautiful animals with all of their eyes focused only on her. As I watch and my smile increases as I watch their excitment, I wonder if she realizes how lucky she is to be the object of such devotion.

posted by angelsarentfree at 8:33 PM 7 comments

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Pity, Party of one please?

I'm not feeling so good these days. I have this crap called autoimmune hepatitis. Don't worry, it's not the contagious kind (cuz like I'm sure you were totally worried about me spreading this nastiness until it infects ever crevice of the blog world?...me smart). It's just where your immune system goes all renegade terminator and starts attacking stuff that it shouldn't like the liver and joints. The liver part doesn't bother me so much superficially speaking. Internally it wreaks havoc of course, but outwardly there are no signs currently. However, when the little bastard blood cells start to attack my joints it hurts like a sonofa...kind of like arthritis. My blood work comes back tomorrow to confirm I am having another "attack" and then the steroids will begin. I have been very blessed. I was diagnosed about 3 or 4 years ago and have not had another attack until now. But I can say I abhor steroids. I think they are total crap. They don't know shit about autoimmune diseases or how to just correct the part of the immune system that is malfunctioning so their philosophy is just to kill off or weaken the whole kit and cabooble. Total crap. I won't take them. As soon as they confirm I am having an attack I plan on contacting a local homeopath or holistic doctor and taking the herbal route. Anyway, enough blabbering. I am somewhat going through the this is bullshit stage with a smidge of woe as me thrown in. So forgive me while I mope a bit. No worries though, in another week or so (or possibly a month or so) I will kick my own ass and get over it.
posted by angelsarentfree at 7:10 PM 8 comments