Superfluous Baloney

So, I had this really serious, dark, slightly whiney post created in my mind about the power of negativity and how it spreads like a cancer through every facet of a working environment... BUT, it's Friday. And not just any Friday, but the Friday before a sorta kinda holiday weekend. Don't think I can stand to be that serious kids. I know, I know. Don't cry. I promise I will still write it, just not today. Instead I woud like to talk about my woeful addiction to sugar in any and all forms. As I sit here trying to choke down my strawberries and cream reduced sugar oatmeal it makes me ponder my insane reliance on all things sugary: Soda, candy, on my cereal, energy drinks, in tea, up my nose (okay not really, but remember it's Friday and I can't bring myself to be serious). I am horribly, painfully addicted to sugar. It makes me happy. Especially candy! Gobstoppers, Runts, bottle caps, Mike and Ikes, RED VINES YUM!! And I have to have the fully leaded soda. Get that Diet Crap outta my face. I just can't handle the taste of Aspertain. Although Splenda ain't half bad. I spend a great deal of each day fighting off the urge to run to the vending machine and gulp down a bag of Skittles. How do I get rid of this problem? Can I be weened off such a dependance? Is it possible? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD people help me, before I go into a Diabetic Coma!! =) I would keep this drama up, but I hear Starburst's in the office down the hall calling my name. Gotta run.

Thirteen Reasons Why My Boss Bugs the Crap Out of Me: 1) He pays people the cheapest he can get away with, rather then what they are worth. (This is not just speaking for myself. Since I'm HR I know what everyone makes.:) This inevitably ends up making them bitter and resentful and performing at the standard for which they are getting paid, rather than what they are truly capable of. 2) He talks out of the side of his mouth. Right up there with used car salesmen and politicians. It kind of insults my intelligence, as if I am stupid and naive enough to buy into half the crap he says. An example would be, budgeted maximum pay rates for hourly associates. He will tell me the max is one thing, when in reality (once I have actually viewed a copy of the contract) it is much higher.) 3) He pretends to be for the hourly associate, until you are behind closed doors. Quite a few of the hourly associates think he is the greatest. He does have the ability to talk at their level and never appear uppity when speaking with them. However, during management meetings, he will find the smallest reason not to approve a raise for one of them. He even refuses to allow the managers to purchase fans for the warehouse floor where it 105+degrees already and it's only June. (He decides this from the comfort of his air conditioned office.) 4) He identifies you as "not being on board", i.e. not agreeing with everything he does or says, he will work to find a way to get rid of you. (I have personally witnessed him target one person after another after he feels they have become a "threat" to him, calling them a "cancer that will only spread.") 5) He is amazingly unorganized for someone at his level. Due to his inability to plan ahead and create organization to new endeavors, all of our start up facilities and accounts have been much more difficult than any others in the company. Typically, it should take a new account about three months to work out the kinks and begin to really function at max efficiency on a daily basis. Ours have been taking at least 6 months, and some, after almost 9 months of operation are still not there. 6) He manages by fire rather than objective. Because of his amazingly disorganized and dysfunctional management style the whole regional management team just moves from one fire to the next, always being forced to react rather than be proactive and prevent the issues from arising in the first place. 7) He doesn't learn from his mistakes. We have had numerous discussions about choosing individuals to place in leadership roles that have lopsided management styles. Meaning he will make someone a manager who is very strong "operationally", but has zero people skills, thus eventually resulting in serious employee morale issues. He has also hired people that are the opposite which, of course led to financial difficulties for the accounts they were over. 8) He keeps people down. This is probably the one that really irks me the most. When he recognizes someone has a lot of potential, potential to really grow beyond the job he has placed them in, he intentionally "pokes them in the eye" to keep their confidence level low. Now, behind their back to clients and members of corporate he will brag about how efficient and productive their operations are, but he would never say it to their face. 9) He never provides positive feedback. It appears to almost pain him to acknowledge someone for a job well done. If they have successfully completed something, he will mention something else they did not do as well rather than just acknowledging that accomplishment. 10) He trusts no one. Quite frankly, he's a paranoid freak. But I suppose when you lie a lot and work hard to keep every down, you would have to be. Who knows when its will all catch up with you. 11) It doesn't matter what way you do it, he would have done it differently. There could be a million different ways to do something and still achieve the same result, but whatever way you chose it was the wrong way. 12) In conjunction with number 11, don't ever try to make a decision on your own because you will inevitable make the wrong choice. You have to ask him before you do ANYTHING. Even if you just asked the last time the same exact scenario came up, this time he would have done it differently. 13) He is a micromanager. He overly involves himself in the most minute details and then complains about never having enough time to get everything done. Hey, here's a thought...why don't you just trust people to do the job you hired them to do and then you can stop doing their job and just do your own? :) *Please note: Despite his existence in my professional life, I still do actually like my job! =) Visit Other Thursday Thirteens:

The Shrone

Kailani

Ficklechick

Kandis

Emily Rose

Carmen

Red

Mamma Kelly

Without fail, each and every day my energy level does a nose dive starting at about 2:30pm. Not that I have been a real ball of fire at any point in the day anyway, but...I have noticed the extreme plunge has been more significant over the last few weeks. I'm not sure what the problem is...could be related to the lack of caloric intake over the last few weeks as I haven't seen the light of day between the hours of 8am and 5:30pm for quite some time now. Maybe I need to try and get out more for lunch, but I'm not completely sure how I would fit it into my day. Most days seem to go by in a blur. I remember in elementary school, feeling like the days would never end. Even through high school, staring at the clock during fourth period in Mr. Morgan's calculus class thinking, "good god, when will the torture stop!" (Of course that's what I get for taking calculus in high school, heh?) While growing up you constantly overheard relatives and the other vast array of adults that floated in and out of your life meandering on and on about how fast the years have flown by. And now, much to my shock and disbelief, I am one of them! The days all blur with very little distinguishing one from the next. Is this what it means to grow up? You become stagnant and the vividness and vitality that you once knew as a child or even a young adult fades into blurred black and white mediocrity? How many people actually get to feel alive each and every day? I mean really be out there experiencing a myriad of events, emotions, historical occasions live and in living color? I am sure there are very few, but I want to be one of them. You ever just feel like you want, no NEED, to do something but you just have no idea what? You just know that if you go through one more day that feels exactly like the one before you're just going to puke? I feel like I've committed mental suicide. I've killed off the intelligent, spirited, spry young lass I once was and been reborn into this lethargic, complacent, compliant, blob. I don't stand up for anything, nothing gets me fired up, I don't have any flashes of intense insight or intelligence for that matter. I just go to work, do the bare minimum to get by and the f out again. It sucks. It doesn't challenge me and I don't challenge it. I have identified my boundaries here in this craphole and ran smack into a brick wall. So instead of figuring out a way to divert around it and still reach my goal, I have just stopped. It's like my whole existence is one big energy plunge after lunch that never spikes back up. It just stinks and I need to figure out something to do about it.

The title of this post happens to be my current boss's favorite line. He uses it constantly, interjecting it into every lecture (and trust me, he gives a lot of lectures). The fact that he, of all people, uses such a phrase, I find hysterical. Stay the course, to me, implies consistency and focus. Two things this man has never had, let alone used in a sentence. I have spent a great deal of the last 9 months I have been here, trying to consistently follow and focus on his directives. The problem is, the change constantly. One minute he is chewing you out for paying someone too much and the next for paying them too low. He claims that he can't keep up with me, yet all of my actions are in an attempt to keep up with his current whim. All I can say is it really sucks to be held accountable for things you had no idea where your responsibility. And all he basically hires women for is to be his secretaries with fancy titles to do his dirty work and make sure everyone is doing exactly as he says, even though no one can figure out what that is!!! He is by far one of the most infuriating individuals I have ever worked for. I am supposed to follow people around who make 40k more than me and tell them what to do and boss them around when it comes to salaries and how bodies they are utilizing to get the job done. But if I disagree with how they discipline someone or how they investigate say, a sexual harassment complaint I am to have no voice in it whatsoever. I am just supposed to go around spouting his stupid little phrases and nagging people to do things, "Cuz boss said" like a mindless ninny and wait for them to all shudder at the mere mention of his oh so powerful name. Oh wait, I just described his administrator to a tee. Yes, yes, now I understand he wants a brainless suckass who will do his daily bidding and take the blame for any little thing that comes up. Gee, I'm so sorry I was born with intelligence and an opinion. I'll try hard to pretend like I have neither. But in the meantime, can I just say Go Fuck Yourself Asshole. I am so fucking sick of questioning myself and my intentions constantly because of him. I am not an idiot because I am young. Just because I refuse to play the brown noser like the church mouse of a secretary he has, doesn't mean I can't think for myself and that I don't do what's right. I have done nothing but bust my ass to try and do what he thinks I should do and I never get anywhere for it. I get nothing but further grief from him for yet again not doing something the way he would have done it. The problem is however, he just chooses the opposite of what you did and decides THAT'S how he would have handled it. "Take the confusion out of this for me." How am I supposed to do that when YOU are the confusion???? Fuckin' bastard sonofabitch. Sorry, this started out to be a logical, yet drippingly sarcastic, description of what a pain in the ass I work for. But it turned into an all out rant, cursing and all. Next time I'll try to give you more warning.

I just recently heard that the doctor says my 88 year old grandmother is in the end stages of heart disease. This now means that Diabetes, Cancer and Heart Disease all run very strongly in the family. SCARY. Sooooo... Thirteen things I can do to take better care of myself, starting NOW!: 1) Stay out of the drive thru window. If the food isn't worth getting out of your car to get, then you don't need it. 2) Walk out to the warehouse to ask a question rather than sending an e-mail. 3) Drink more water and less caffeine. 4) Spend a few hours a week working in the warehouse with the hourly staff. They will appreciate it and I will sweat 10lbs off an hour. (You can lose up to a liter and a half of water PER HOUR working in that environment!!) 5) Put down the potato chips and pick up an apple. 6) Stop eating because you are a)bored, b)stressed, or c) avoiding doing something else. Only eat when you are actually hungry. 7) Take the dog for a walk. He will get worn out and you will feel better. 8) Do a couple of loads of laundry a night. The walk to the dryer is good for you. 9) Keep healthy snacks in your desk so you won't be so inclined to hit the vending machine. 10) Take a real lunch instead of snacking at your desk. 11) Park farther away and hoof it in. 12) Head outside to play fetch with the puppy when you get home instead of heading straight for the computer. 13) Reward yourself with an hour or pampering like a pedicure, instead of with food. Other Thursday Thirteens to check out:

Ginger

TLC

Carmen

Karen

Christine

Louise

Colleen

Lady Jane

Susan

Nancy

Christina

Sometimes I have to sit back and laugh a little about all of the dozens and dozens of people I meet everyday. They come from all walks of life. Some are white collared, executives who are polished til they shine and others are folks with very blue collars and little education. It is the latter of the two that I tend to enjoy interacting with the most. They are typically realist that know how to work hard for a day's pay. They also tend to be very polite and cordial around management (bonus for me=). I was talking to one of these folks today. He is a young African American guy probably around 18, 19 at the most. We have him unloading trailers in a very warm warehouse, with little pay. But he shows up everyday and works his butt off just the same. He's a good kid and is always polite when you talk to him. Today while everyone was gathering together for a safety training brief I inquired about a rather large tattoo I noticed on the bicep of his arm. He explained the meaning to me and we chatted for a bit. Later in the day he came in to my office because he had inadvertently pulled a muscle lifting one of the heavier boxes. He explained to me what he had been doing when the injury occurred. At this point anyone injured on the job has to go to the clinic to be drug tested, regardless of the nature of the injury. He sat in my office while he waited for his mother to pick him up to head to the clinic (he typically rides the bus home, a two hour ride to get just 25 miles back home.) While we talked he stated time and time again that he hoped he would be back to work quickly as he really needed the money. As the mother hen/HR person I of course stressed the importance of giving the injury time to heal. He just seemed like a great kid who's family probably struggled and worked hard everyday for their pay. It appeared their hardwork had not gone unnoticed as the same work ethic was apparent in their son. He was very pleasant to talk to and seemed like a pretty dedicated individual he was just rying to get ahead in life. I enjoyed our interaction. Finally his mom arrived and I got up to leave my office with him. As he walked away I noticed he had, "Fuck the world" tattooed on the back of his arm. I had to laugh. Here he is as sweet and considerate as can be blending in to the office environment that new engulfs him, with that walking billboard on the back of his arm. The irony just struck me as quite humorous, but also as a metaphor for the multiple facets of personality that make up one person. It just goes to show you that each one of us has a million different faces we wear every day. When I first wake up in the morning I am as serious as they come. By the time I get to work and my caffeine has kicked in I am (dare I say) perky, cracking jokes nonstop. By the afternoon I am rather sarcastic and dry. By the evening I am pretty hard nosed and ready to have someone wait on me for a change. Within each day I have several different personalities that float to the top completely subconsciously. Even within different settings within those days even more facets of my complex being surface. We all have so many layers and very few people in our lives ever experience or understand all of them. Hell, we don't even understand them all ourselves. Here this kid is in my office being as pleasant and polite as possible while emphasizing his desire to get back to work and at the same time he is walking around with a Fuck the world tattoo on the back of his arm. It makes you wonder what layer that coincides with and/or what event in his life effected him so deeply that he felt the need to permanently display his indifference towards the world on his body. We are extremely complex beings that each and every day have thousands of different experiences that shape and effect our feelings, reactions, words, behavior etc. But very few of us take all of that into consideration when judging another. Society has such a bad habit continually passed on to generation after generation for labeling people. We feel the need to place people in categories in order to be able to understand and comprehend them. It's a shame that we all succumb to this need without even being conscious of it. But on those rare days that you have a gleaming moment of clarity and realize there is more to a person that the one or two layers revealed to us each day, try to cut them some slack. People have and wear a million different faces. Just because you don't like the face they put on at that moment in time, doesn't mean you should disregard the whole person. I need to let that sink in and start treating people in accordance.

Excessive punctuation irritates me. (And trust me today is ALL about me today. I am one cranky biotch. Although one can process logically the fact that it is hormonally induced crankiness, it is crankiness that cannot be controlled nonetheless.) Lately I have noticed that some individuals have an infatuation with adding excessive punctuation to the end of sentences in e-mail. This would not bother me had it not been used in a professional setting. But in this day and age of obsessive political correctness and over sensitivity to the slightest hint of a "tone" in an e-mail, why in the hell would someone through three question marks and three exclamation points at the end of a freakin sentence in an e-mail to a fellow associate? Especially one you have only met once and actually out ranks you? I am not one to typically overreact to this sort of thing, but by the fourth e-mail with this same punctuation I was ready to smack her. It implies that you are getting snippy and I don't appreciate it, especially from a coordinator. Simmer down sweetheart before someone simmers it for you. Not only can excessive punctuation imply a negative tone, but over utilization of exclamation points in an e-mail when reporting good news is equally irritating. Yesterday I was cc'd on an e-mail from a recruiter announcing that she had found a potential candidate for an opening. She used 8 exclamation points in a four sentence e-mail. Take the perkiness down a few notches, you're giving me a freakin' headache. I have become so over sensitive to this new found epidemic of over emphasizing emotion with punctuation that I have now started down the opposite path. I used to end all of my e-mail messages with a "Thanks!". Not anymore bygod. I just stop at "Thanks" no punctuation whatsoever. Initially I started eliminating the exclamation point to indicate no tone at all, just Thanks, nothing more nothing less. Now I do it because I don't really mean Thanks. I mean I am saying Thanks is hopes that the recipient will here the flat annoyed tone I am shooting for. In other words I just through it in there to distract them from the bossiness of the rest of the e-mail and the "You're a freakin' idiot" tone I am using in my head as I type it. Surely if I throw a thanks on the end the rest of the tone of the e-mail can be forgiven. Surely. (I said I was cranky.)

I should be working on a weekly report right, but instead I am typing a post because I am cranky! I was having a perfectly average day in which I had successfully accomplished absolutely nothing, but was satisfied nonetheless until... I had been forgetting to call my doctor (I use that term loosely) to make an appointment so I can get him to to refill a prescription for me. Its not like a barbituate or anything, no vicadin or oxycoton or anything cool like that. Just a maintenance medication, but one however, that I cannot just stop taking. The side effects associated with stopping it cold turkey are unpleasant to say the least. So I called today to make an appointment, finally, after trying to remember to do so for a good two weeks. See, I don't particularly care for my doctor, but he is located conveniently close to work and you can get in to see him fairly easily. However, in person he pretty much creeps me out. I am a people person and I want a doctor that is one too. Not one of those standard "I have no bedside manner" types, I want someone that will have a conversation with me dammit. And acts like he or she has a personality, or at least puts on a good front. Yeah, this guy must not have had imaginary friends growing up, because he can't even pretend to enjoy people and converse at a level a run of the mill schmuck like myself would comprehend. But I kept him as my doctor anyway, because at the very least he was accessible and I didn't plan on seeing him all that often. I have a very nasty habit of insanely procrastinating things, if in the back of my mind, I really don't want to do it. So inadvertently (or perhaps subconsciously?) I forgot to go to two appointments in a row. So here I am now almost a year later and needing a refill on my prescription. So I call and talk to the all business receptionist (couldn't he at least get someone with a personality to answer the phone???). I make an appointment, which I have every intention to keep I SWEAR, and then explain my situation with the prescription, in hopes that at the very least he will call in enough of a Rx to get me a few pills until he can see me. She informs me that I have had two no shows and he will not (she did emphasize not, I swear it) refill my prescription. I then curtly said Ok, thank you and hung up. No point in pursuing the conversation any further since I have already established that she is an evil personality-less wench. (Side bar: did I mention he only accepts co-payments in cash? That has always bothered me too. What is he hiding from the IRS or something? Embezzling funds for the mafia? Skimming money off the top to finance his new 150 foot yacht?) She then proceeded to call me immediately back at work. She completely cockblocked my almost above average, decent mood, meandering through work attitude and then she calls me BACK? I take offense to that. You were rude and uncaring of my situation and then you have the nerve to contact me at work and use my company's time (yes I know I am a hypocrite and I'm okay with that) to try and what? Explain yourself? Apologize? Extort more cash out of me to finance the yacht? I don't think so woman. You just managed to successfully piss in my wheaties and ruin the rest of my day. I am now in the mood to be a heartless bitch to everyone I encounter today to take out my now heinous mood that YOU caused. Way to go sweetheart. Kudos to you. AND if you had researched a little more you would know that the medication I need is one that without, I can be somewhat cranky as hell and you should have considered that prior to opening your big ole, uncaring, nasty, receptionist mouth. Thankfully I have a receptionist at work too (who is NOT a nasty mean biAtch) who screens my calls for me. Ms. Nasty Receptionist meet Mr. Voicemail. Hmpf.

I finally got up the gumption to phone the recruiter for the position I had applied for and speak to her about my counter. Unfortunately/Fortunately I received her voicemail so I simply left a message. Much to my surprise later in the day, I received a phone call from the Senior VP of HR herself. She asked if I had tried to reach the reactor and explained she was actually out of the office, but wanted to know if she could be of any assistance. So my first experience with haggling over salary was with probably one of the saviest negotiator around. What luck (not). It was a horribly awkward experience in which I rambled, stammered and stuttered through painfully. But I got most of my points out there and her response wasn't cold or disinterested. She seemed to hear me for the most part and said she would speak to the RVP about it and get back to me. Much to my surprise, she personally called me back today...with yet another counter...to which I caved. I don't like all this back and forth and hurry up and wait nonsense. So I accepted. And don't think I caved. It was a good counter. Not additional salary, but a Sign On bonus and with the current state of my financial affairs, cash in the hand sounds a whole lot better. I e-mailed a friend to tell him the news: That is so cool. You are going to love Nash Vegas. Great place to live. My response: Just confused about the house hunt, guess overwhelmed is a better term. I will probably e-mail you with locations at some point inquiring about the crime activity. This is an interesting way to do things, moving to a place having only been there twice. And indeed it is. It feels very odd to commit yourself to a company and agree to transplant your life for them. Don't get me wrong, they are not the sole purpose of the move, but they are the main one. It just all very interesting how quickly things change and the course events over a short period of time find you moving yourself across the country twice in just one year. Bizarre.

I know quite a few people claim that horoscopes only appear to be accurate because of the vague nature of the information they provide. But I am not one that experiences a ton of issues with self esteem and confidence. But as I am preparing myself to make my counter offer for this position, one cannot help but face some confidence issues. Am I worth more? Will they agree that I am worth more? Will they laugh at me? Do I deserve this promotion? With all of these thoughts swirling in my head, I came upon a website called The Daily OM. It provided the following daily horoscope: June 12, 2006 Unshakable Confidence Sagittarius Daily Horoscope You may feel insecure and unsure of yourself today. Your self-confidence may be ebbing, compelling you to struggle to fill the space it has left behind. You may feel driven to seek solace and assurance of your worth in material goods or unhealthy behaviors. Consider, however, that the comfort you might glean from shopping, eating, or risk-taking will likely be temporary. You can find greater consolation and simultaneously rebuild your confidence levels by reflecting upon your strength, accomplishments, and many positive attributes. In your past, you may find proof that you are a capable and good-hearted individual of many talents. Your insecurities and self-doubt will likely vanish today when confronted by your copious and mindful inner power. Confidence that comes from within is lasting and can give you the strength to courageously face challenges in your life. Though we may attain temporary feelings of self assurance from outside sources, the potency we feel will dissipate quickly as we move through life. Building up your confidence levels gradually allows you to retain the self-esteem and self respect you gain and use it to build a foundation from which to approach your worldly endeavors. No individual or situation will have the power to interfere with your inner belief and poise as it was crafted from your own thoughts and feelings. You’ll move unshakably through good times and bad with your head held high. When you draw confidence from the depths of your soul today, the strength you find will never fade. Creeeeeeeeeepppppy.

I received my offer on Friday and they lowballed me. I am not surprised, it seems a common practice when you are just starting out in your career. They think you won't have the savvy or business sense to counter offer. The salary was a bit too low (about 5k) but the relocation package was just downright silly. Unless I plan on swinging by the Bahamas on my way there, I just simply won't be able to spend that much. $9,000 to move me and my two dogs 2000 miles. That's really generous of you all, but I don't even own a couch. I also know they lowballed me on the bonus potential as well. They forget they are dealing with an internal candidate, a HR one to boot. I have access to a lot of information that another candidate would not. Like other folks that are already in this position with this company. So, I will propose to them that they wack the relo in half and tack it onto my salary instead. Just important to keep in mind, if you are going to play hardball you have to still be willing to walk away. I don't think I'll have to, but I need them to realize just because I am young does not mean I am cheap. I know the responsibilities and time that will be involved in this type of a position and I expect to be compensated for it fairly, despite the amount of experience I have. I mean I will be doing a significant amount of traveling which equates to a significant amount of overtime. I need to try and cushion my wages as much as possible in anticipation of that. Wow, I sure feel like I have done some major growing up over the last year. In one years time I have gone from an hourly clerk to a Regional Manager and will have moved across the country twice. Yeesh.

I talked last week a little about eye pokes. Okay, I talked a lot about it. But I don't care, I am going to talk about it AGAIN. I tried to reason with the eye pokers today, I even extended an olive branch and actually apologized for being so pokeable. Why you ask? Because I have to work with these individuals on a regular basis and it is in my best interest to try and stay on their good side, if they have one.. Which I am convinced they do not. I was shot down and my olive branch was thrown into a mulcher and then results dumped over my head. Why must people be so insistent on making you feel small, insecure and stupid? To feed their own ego you say? Yes, I know. But why can't they just all realize that we are all people. I mean for Godsake, I have bills to pay and finances to manage and a family who relies on me and a long commute to work, just like they do. And we make mistakes and have feelings and delicate egos too and when they insist on poking it only makes us feel worse and dimishes any hopes of having a decent day. I understand I shouldn't worry about such things. I should gloss over it and move on with my day. But currently I am in a position in which I am constantly and consistently poked from all angles and its demoralizing. It makes you question your own level of intelligence and its frustrating and I am completely tired of it. On another note... I told my mother about the impending Tennessee invasion. (I went for my final interviews on Friday and did in fact secure the position. Just waiting for the official offer letter to come later this week.) And yes, it went over like a lead balloon just as I had anticipated. She has managed to transform one of the single greatest accomplishments in my life and make it into a stressful, messy emotionally negative crisis that is all about her. I had expected this of course, but it just makes it all a little harder to stomach (as if receiving the largest promotion of my life thus far, and moving across the country again was not difficult enough). I just need a break. A moment to take a deep breath and reflect on all of this. A minute to take it all in and gather perspective. A small snippet of time to sigh and congratulate myself on a job well done that is not surrounded by a million questions about why, when and how. A second to say to myself, "You did it. You really made this happen." Just a moment to pat myself on the back and revel in it all. But that won't come. There are no moments, minutes, seconds to dedicate.