Superfluous Baloney

Its 4:15 Thursday afternoon. Almost done with the day, almost done for the week. Almost but not quite. I'm almost ready for it to be over. It was a standard week. Started off a bit rocky with the big bossman, but he has been overwhelmingly consumed this week with everything BUT HR issues so I guess I should consider myself lucky and enjoy the reprieve. Sometimes his constant conspiracy theories can get exhausting. And he tries really hard to pull off the I'm a hip happen' contemporary boss personna, but every once in awhile he throws back some homage to the Donna Reed years by complaining to ONLY the women in the office (me and the Regional Administrator) that he hates having to be the one to make the coffee in the morning. I do manage to deflect most of his women are lesser beings old school remarks with a simple "I'm too young to know who Donna Reed is" look. He also likes to add in some fatherly lectures every once in awhile when we disagree on something which tend to begin with, "I know you are still pretty green...". Uh huh, yeah. Probably not as green as you would like to hope buddy. Although I am a good 8-10, uhhh scratch that 10-15 years younger then most of my peers in the company I am still pretty aware of how the good ole boys club functions. Despite these little nuances I actually do manage to get along with the guy fairly well. He has the same cynical, dark sense of humor I do (I know this isn't the standard for most sterotypical HR managers) and we tend to respect each others opinions for the most part. But he does wear me out. He spends a lot of time spinning his wheels, so I sit back and what him run in circles kicking up dust as he goes. He tends to manage by fire rather then objective, (to steal a phrase from my pop) which if I think about too much drives me nuts. I'm a planner, a strategizer. I'm proactive rather than reactive and when I try to plan he pushes back on me pretty hard. He likes to exercise his authority every once in awhile by acting as a road block on my two way highway out in HR land. However, he underestimates my ability to venture off the beaten path and make my own way to reach where ever I am heading. So, when he is out of the office I enjoy the calm and serenity. I stare out my window at the mountain peek that reaches over 1ok feet, almost celestially beaming with white snow,perfectly outlined by the black metal frame. I sit and sip herbal tea while throwing some random, or not so random thoughts in my blog. At least until he comes back and the wind picks up and the storm starts to brew all over again. But, at least for this week, it's almost over.

Sometimes God really pisses me off when he proves once again that he knows best and we can make all the plans we want, but He will just laugh and cast them aside. And in the end He's always irritatingly right. But I am never irritated enough to miss the message he is trying to send. I have been struggling with an Account Manager here at work from day one. We are polar opposites and I have worked hard to make him my arch nemesis. This approach has gotten me nothing but a daily freakin' headache and a near mental breakdown. Last night I had a "Come to Jesus" talk with my boss (him telling me to come to Jesus, not the other way around as I prefer them). From this talk I realized fighting this guy everyday is going to get me nowhere. And then today I was using google to hunt down a website and a link to an article entitled: When Silence Isn't Golden The normal instinct is to avoid conflict. There are times, though, when the only choice is to tackle idiocy head-on. TA-DA!!! Divine intervention. Alright I get it God. You can lay off the victory dance now. I'll deal with the guy by confronting him head on and trying to find neutral ground. I will no longer go around him or work to build a conspiracy against him. I GOT IT.

And the devil caught me and is keeping me hostage in H E double hockey sticks. My week actually got worse. I am having the shittiest of all shitty weeks. In fact the shit of it is so thick I can barely find the energy to whine about. (ME not have the energy to whine about something? You know it HAS to be bad.) Not sure if I mentioned in the last post that I came home Monday night to discover the middle dog had broken the puppy's jaw. He is fine now. Who wouldn't be after $900 worth of medical care? Wednesday night I came home to find the oldest dog covered in blood and still bleeding profusely from her neck. I know I have written about Rosalee before and it is obvious that she is my BA-BY. I went hysterical immediately. After 30 seconds of sob-ridden "Oh My Gods" I promptly gathered her up in a towel and took her to the emergency clinic. Through my hysterics I did manage to realize how embarrassing it was going to be to try and explain why I was back again, just 48 hours later, with another seriously injured dog. After staying over night at the emergency clinic I picked her up yesterday morning with two tubes sticking out of her neck and sutures from ear to ear. She has a horrible amount of swelling and being the little drama queen that she is has worked the situation to her best advantage. After giving her water through a syringe for most of the dog and laying beside her, petting her head to keep her quiet she finally ate a bowl of food and I knew she was going to be okay. The little chunk would have to be near death to pass up a meal. Anyway she is getting better and I feel a tad bit closer to sanity, even though I will have to give the middle dog to a shelter and this makes me feel enough guilt for ten Roman Catholics I'm okay and I'm coping. So I get up this morning and immediately have 5 bazillion things running through my head that have to be done to get the kids/dogs settled in for the day and I'm creating a list in my mind as I walk to the bathroom. I go to flip on the bathroom light and nothing happens. NO ELECTRICITY, NO POWER, NO MAGIC FIRE. And what does that boy say to me, "Did you pay the bill?" Look here dumbass I don't need you putting ideas like that in my head. I don't know if I paid the fucking bill I've had a few things on my mind this week, ya know!??? (Later as we are driving to work none of the traffic lights are even flashing for two whole blocks because ALL of the power was out SO THERE.) Anyway, what I am trying to say here people is this damn week has sucked big booty and I am completely fed up with the whole thing. Tonight I am going to drink an entire bottle of red wine and play computer games and pretend like the whole thing was a freakin' nasty dream.

There is a song out right now that says something like if you are going through hell, keep walking and don't slow down long enough to let the devil catch up to you. Well, I am at almost a full on sprint, but that bastard is fast!! This week has been one disaster after another. It started on Monday when I got into my car and it was going that rough idle thing that was all to familiar and then just to confirm it the "check engine soon" light came on. Yep, mice had chewed through my spark plug wires for the second time in the last two months. The last round ran me $275. Ummmm, yeah. Some of our fury little friends that enjoy living in my car once in awhile to stay warm and find plastic incased wiring a delicacy are about to meet the bitchiest landlord ever, because the rent is over due and your asses are getting EVICTED via D-con. A few crap things happened at work as well that day, but nothing completely out of the ordinary. Then that night that boy and I get home to find our new puppy (see post below) screaming in pain and bleeding out of the side of his mouth. We rush him to the emergency clinic (can you say CHA-CHING) to discover he has a broken jaw and a possible pneumonia. But they can't do anything to help him there, he was going to need an orthopedic surgeon (Say it for me one more time: CHA-CHING). So I had to take yesterday off in order to go pick him up from the emergency clinic, drop that boy off at work, head home and call around to freakin' find a surgeon. I find one but they are a good 45 minute drive away and that's with no traffic. Did I just say no traffic? Is there such a thing in southern CA? Let's not be ridiculous. He goes, they do the surgery and I am back there at 7am this morning to retrieve the little guy along with the special food he will have to be on for the next 6 weeks, three bottles of medicine and orders to return weekly for check-ups. (I'm too broke now to even spare another CHA-CHING.) I dropped the boy again at work, headed back home to drop off junior and then went all the way into work. At work I was immediately met with a torrent of e-mails, voicemails and three people standing at my door. "Harry Hash, who just went to take the random drug screen just told me he isn't going to pass." "Bob Bleeder just hit his head on the racking and needs to go to the Worker's Comp Clinic." "Sammy Sexpot is being accused of sexual harassment." "Tammy Temp didn't show up today." "Manny Mouth is arguing with his supervisor." I just wanted to scream, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND LET ME THINK FOR A DAMN MINUTE." But did they? HA, no way. I took it all head on while dealing with a manager that is a total moron and completely clueless on how to deal with anything. Very black and white issues he has a knack for turning completely gray. Well gray in his mind anyway, but still completely black and white to normal people, you know, the ones that have a BRAIN. Fucker. Anyway, my point being, I AM GOING THROUGH HELL PEOPLE. And I can't seem to run fast enough to get the f out.

The newest member of the household:

Linus

He is a 9 week old Greyhound-Saluki mix and going to be a pretty big boy. His legs are SUPER long already! But he is a very sweet boy and a total lovebug.

This week, the following is true:

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 67%

Your job is a total bummer, and probably the worst job you've ever had.Your co-workers stink. Your boss is a jerk. And your company is probably in trouble.Think about finding a new job quickly, even if it's just a not-so-great transition job.You've got to get out of there as quickly as you can!

I am having to bite it so hard it should soon resemble a bloody pulp at this point. I got into with someone in our corporate HR deptartment today and she flat out pissed me off with her holier then thou response to my e-mail, but I promised the HR Director I would not respond, via e-mail anyway, but I said nothing about responding via BLOG! Muuuuuhahahahahahahaha! (That was my attempt at articulating an evil laugh). Plus, it's been a good long while since I have graced you all with a nice rant. So, below is my initial e-mail to her (this whole thing actually started with an abrupt, snippy phone call from her) and her response to me (in yellow). Then, in blue, is what I WOULD have said, had I been able to bless her with a response: [Dear Ms. I know everything], In the future I would appreciate it if you would take the opportunity to hear both sides of a story before jumping to conclusions about how things are being handled within this region. I found your tone to be accusatory and took offense to it. I understand when [disgruntled employee] phoned you and you felt obligated to provide her with answers, but everything she told you was not correct. I am not surprised that she tried to insinuate that she had no idea what was going on as she has not been happy with her position with OHL for quite some time and was very vocal, prior to her medical leave, about her negative opinions of the manager here. -Me [Dear I should bow down and kiss your feet], Clearly [disgruntled employee] not fully understand what was going on otherwise she would not have called me asking if she should return to work today. When I asked you if anyone had spoken to her you replied that you thought that [manager] had spoken to her, but you were not sure. As the HR Generalist sending out severance paperwork it is your responsibility to be sure that someone has sat down with the employee and clearly explained to them the process and their rights. [manager] may have had a conversation with her, but clearly he did not give her a date otherwise she would not have called me. I don’t think that her dissatisfaction with OHL has any bearing on whether or not this situation was handled correctly. -[Ms. High and Mighty] This is what I WOULD have LIKED to have said in response: [Dear Ms. I am the Queen of the Universe], I am very thankful we have individuals like yourself to keep the poor little people like me in check. I mean where would this company truly be without snippy, self rightous folks like you looking out for disgruntled, lying ex-employees? Surely someone has to. I apologize for having thought that someone in your position (which I might point out is equivalent to mine, not above it as your tone in the above e-mail might suggest), having allegedly worked in HR for years, would have known that it is always best to hear both sides of a story before proceeding to turn into an accusatory bitch and running into the HR Directors office like a sniveling little suck up. I humbly beg for your forgiveness for assuming that you might be capable of utilizing basic HR investigating skills such as clarifying a situation prior to reaching a conclusion. I thank you for pointing out that no one ever tries to pull the wool over anyone's eyes in an attempt to get a former employeer in hot water, especially disgruntled employees who just got LAID OFF. I mean why would you ever give a fellow HR rep the benefit of the doubt? it make s a great deal more sense to believe the pissed of former employee on the other end of the line, right? Thank you so much for providing further insight into what an overeacting, whining, self-centered twit you truly are. By the way, how is the view from way up on your ivory pedistal? I surely hope you don't break an ankle the day someone smacks you off it. Be careful not to trip out there in the bad weather, as I am sure it is diffcult to walk, not being able to see anything beyond the tip of your own nose and all. Have a swell day. -Me

You Are 68% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

You Are 70% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

"List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once."... 1. I love you, but you need to be on some sort of medication to control your mood swings. 2. You're right, I should never have left. 3. I know you'll miss me, but I can't stay here. 4. I'm glad you're gone. 5. I don't consider you part of my family anymore. 6. I know the only reason you married him was for security and money. 7. I think you are a fucking idiot. 8. I have no idea why I ever dated you. 9. You need to stop drinking so much. 10. You creep me out dude. 11. I am envious of your life. 12. I'm jealous of you, that's why I stopped e-mailing. 13. You need to open your eyes and see the guy for what he really is: an asshole.

(Can you hear that song playing in your head?) The boss' boss comes in tomorrow to conduct the Spanish Inquisition into some of the suspicious activities that have been going on around here. I'm not sure exactly which ones though and I kind of wish I did know so I could ascertain whether or not they could be linked back directly to me... The problem is I work for a man who ALWAYS has to have someone to blame and up until this point I have managed to evade his pointing finger and the "you basically f'ed up" speech. You know, the one in which I look up at him with my big innocence, naive eyes and nod vigorously in agreement and acknowledge that he is so right and I was WRONG WRONG WRONG. Yeah right! Like that would ever happen, p-shaw! Anyway I am still nervous about the whole ordeal because the last time his boss came out to question him about a few things the conversation ended with his boss stating, "bottomline, the company does it this way and so will you." And from that day forward, at least weekly, I have had to hear him complain habitually about having to do it, "because the company does it" and why didn't anyone tell him about it sooner because he could have built it into the contract but no one told him so now he is going to lose money and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Yeah, yeah yeah, ya cheap bastard. But anyhoo, the bottomline is this whole thing has me shakin' like a 15 year old buck with antlers that size of a moose during open season. I'm afraid I may not be able to sail under the radar on this one kids. The HR director has vowed to do all he can to take some of the heat off of me, but what they hell can he do from 1500 miles away? Not a damn thing, that's what. OH-CHEE-WAH-WAH.

Okay, maybe not completely, but truthfully, it hasn't been too terribly shabby lately. My boss has been a bit weird and dodgy lately (how is that for two terms of British vernacular in one post, eh???) and I have had the energy of a 60 year old tortoise, but other then that life hasn't been too terrible. I have been entertained as of late, but an ongoing argument in my romantic relationship. That boy is addicted to computer games. Particularly one called Everquest II. It is an odd hodge podge of your typical fight and blow stuff up theme combined with a bit of role playing with a side of online interaction. I have been consistently teasing him since we were blessed with internet access once again at home about his consistent addiction to EQII as he refers to it. He has "little friends" that he meets up with online and, as a group, they destroy everything from trolls to goblins to giants, each having its own list of perilous defenses and ultimate rewards attached with it. You gain in levels as you woefully kick each species ass and with each level comes added strength, weapons and spells. Okay, now am I the only one that sees the copious potential for endless ridicule here???? As I sit behind him watching him play I'll throw out little bits like, "So are your little friends helping you?" "What kind of a thingy are you?" "Really? What the hell is that?" "So your little man there plays the mood music for the team while everybody else actually kicks some ass?" "What's that little bunny rabbit thing?" "Are you sure your guys not gay cuz he looks like a fairy to me." Now, what guy wouldn't love that??? This weekend, in an attempt to extend the proverbial olive branch, I asked him to teach me how to play. It just so happens that I am actually good at the game and have actually found a way to enjoy playing it despite the mounds and mounds of dorkiness surrounding its existence. So, each night this week we have argued about who gets to spend how much time on the computer playing the game (no, you cannot both play at the same time). Last night he was on the computer when I finally got home from work around 6:15pm. I changed into my PJs (a ritual I perform every night promptly after arriving home, despite the hour) and the asked what time I would be allotted to be on the computer this evening. Someone how that boy had been transformed into a whining, snivelling 5 year old brat as he replied, "But baaaaaaaaabe. I really wanted to play the game toniiiiiiiiiiiiiight." I said, "Okay, you can have the computer until 8 and then its my turn." Silly me replying like a comprising, logical adult when I was apparently not dealing with one. "Nooooooooooooo. I was going to play it until 9 and then go to beeeeeed." " "So, you are trying to tell me you plan on monopolizing the computer the entire evening? How is that fair?" "Well its my computer and its my game." Fabulous. His has moved up to a bratty, selfish 7 year old. Now that's improvement. Maybe by May of 2008 he will be the equivalent of a snot nosed, spoiled 17 year old, one can hope anyway. Me, sticking with the adult compromising, now taking on a somewhat parental tone, replied, "You can either stay on the computer until 8 and then get off OR you can get off now and have it back at 8. Take it or leave it." I prevented myself from adding, "Is your homework even done Mister?" He huffily (is that a word?) got off and allowed me to sit down. Through most of my one hour and 30 minutes of play time he sat beside me spewing directives and telling me everything I was doing wrong while attempting to pry the mouse from my cold dead body...okay not really, but the first two are accurate. Eventually he simmered down and even got excited when I reached the next level and gained new skills. However, at exactly 8 we were back to the whining, snivelling 5 year old brat. (Ran right past the selfish 7 year old and slid into 5.) "EH. Aren't you going to get of nooooooooooooow?" "Fine," I reply, "just let me kill one more sabertooth gnoll and you can have it back." "EH" he sighs, practically stomping his foot like an impatient child. "But you said I could have it back at eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight." "FINE. You big damn baby." I realize I am quickly being sucked down to his level. I hop off and leave him to his little game, with his whittle fwiends and his whittle mousie at exactly 8:02. Two minutes late, so sue me. But I still spent at least another 30 minutes making fun of him and distracting him while he tried to play. He died twice thanks to my efforts. HA. Mission accomplished.

I heard on the radio today that Christopher Reeves' wife, Dana died of lung cancer. She was only 44 and just diagnosed in August. It just struck me as insanely and unforgivably sad. I remembered that they had a son who was barely a teenager. He has now lost both of his parents tragically, less than a year and a half apart. How do you recover from that at 13? Can you? It just seems so wrong that he doesn't even have one parent left. And Dana was quite an advocate of stem cell research and other charitable causes. She was an elegant, graceful woman who utilized the tragedy brought into her life for a purpose. Not may people are capable of surmounting such feats. I hope her son will be capably of meeting such a task. I wish him the best.

I was off last week for three whole days. Since I have been back it has been slooooooooooow going around here. Not that the amount of shit has dissipated, but what I can personally do about the shit has. So this makes for a boring, unproductive few days. As I twiddle my thumbs I stare at the mounds of paperwork on my desk that I don't feel like cleaning off. That's the funny thing about being bored. The more bored you more are, the less you become intersted in doing anything. Kind of like when you get so hungry you are almost sick so nothing sounds good to eat! So...I'm sitting here at my desk being bored and eating. Maybe I will go get a Mountain Dew and that will pep me up. Or Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just sit here and BE BORED.