Superfluous Baloney

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Yesterday will be another wrinkle on my forehead... This too shall pass, as my pop always says... I know that in a few weeks today will only be visible through an extra wrinkle here or there from contorting my face in so many grimaces. With all of that wisdom in mind, I still can't help but be bummed out, let down, seriously disappointed. One of our sites is just going to hell in a hand basket, for what I perceive are very obvious reasons. One of those reasons is a seriously crappy management team. Last week we took our first step toward rectifying the situation by adding a competent, upbeat, well versed, natural born leader to the mix. He is motivated, young and hungry to sink his teeth into an operation and turn it around, a real opportunity to prove himself. He has been on board for a whole four days now and everyone has been impressed. As standard procedure with most companies, we run a thorough background check on anyone we hire that includes an investigation into the work history they listed on their application, as well as a national criminal background check and social security card verification. Our corporate office runs the check and will e-mail us the results. Typically they state: results favorable. It is not completing uncommon to receive, however, results un-favorable. This just typically means the applicant failed to report they were actually terminated from a company rather then resigning or there was a DUI or something they had jail time over, etc. Much to my dismay the new superfantastic, natural born leader's results were e-mailed to me today as unfavorable. My heart sank immediately even though I always hold on to hope that maybe some retarded HR assistant at their last employer mistakenly stated they were terminated when in fact they resigned or something. I e-mailed back to my corporate contact and asked for the report so I could see where the issues were. I received the "results unfavorable" e-mail in the morning, but by 2 this afternoon I had still not received the report with what exactly the problem was, so I could properly assess the damage. So I called. (Something I never do. I HATE using the phone for anything. My voicemail goes days without being checked. In other words if you want to ask me something, shoot me an e-mail because unless I am desperate or someone has threatened me with the removal of a limb I will not call you.) It was the worst case scenario. A felony and two misdemeanors that resulted in significant jail time. His dates of employment for two of his previous employers did not match either. On the very first page of the employment application it asks if you have ever been convicted of a crime that resulted in incarceration. Simple yes or no, if you answer yes just list the crime, the date and the length of the resulting incarceration. As long as it isn't a violent crime and happened a few years ago, we look past it. The last page of the application is a statement that says by signing the application you are attesting to the accuracy of the information you provided on the application and that the information will be verified through a third party source. It was very obvious from the dates of the conviction and the inaccuracy of the dates of employment he provided, he was trying to cover up a significant amount of jail time. (The report lists all crimes as well as punishments and their durations.) I am insanely disappointed in this guy. I understand what happened to him was years ago and has very obviously turned his life around and is trying to be an upstanding citizen now. But you CAN'T LIE. You have to give your potential employers the benefit of the doubt that they will in turn, give you the benefit of the doubt as well. Employers understand when you are young, you do dumb stuff, head down the wrong path and some of you get caught. We also know that everyone has the potential to grow out of that and put that all behind them to start on a more positive path. But if you do not disclose your past you then commit a new offense that is not in the distant past and is somewhat harder to forgive. You become a LIAR. How can we trust you now? What does that say about your integrity? It would have spoken volumes about your character and how hard you have worked to overcome your past had you been upfront and honest. But now I am forced into a situation where I have to question your character and if you have overcome these mistakes and you have no one to blame but yourself. YOU put me in this situation where I now have to stand before you in judgment. I am forced to assume the worst about you and NOT give you the benefit of the doubt. Yes, you will be disappointed when I share the news with you. You have been caught in your intricately crocheted tangled mess of lies and you leave me no choice. Please realize, however, you are not the only one that pays for this mistake. I pay for it too. For one, I have to now bust my ass to replace you, but that is the vicious cycle of employment and why I have a job, so no big deal there. But I also have to pay through the hardening of my spirit. With each person that plays this same game I become more jaded and less trusting. I become less willing to give people a chance. You are not the first one to lie on your application, nor will you be the last, but know that you contributed to the loss of my idealism and faith in people. And maybe this isn't a very big deal and happens in all professions, but it doesn't make it any less sad. Some even might say it will make me wiser, but I am not convinced the hardening of my spirit through bad experience can have a positive spin. I like to think that having blind faith in people, when in my profession, would be better. It would make me stand out and cause the "worker bees" to trust in me more. And I would think it might really pay off someday...when you take that chance on that one person that no one else would and 20 years down the road they're running the company... I know...I am still a bit idealistic about this profession and the people I come in contact with. But I can't help being frustrated and disillusioned today. However, I will be even more disappointed the day I completely lose that idealism and optimism then I am today when I found out you lied.

The winds died down, the house landed on the Wicked Witch of the East (btw has anyone read Wicked? Its the story about the Wicked Witch of the West and how she got to be that way..Interesting concepts, but I digress...) and Dorothy is back to groovin' in her happenin' red-sequenced pumps. Alright, so maybe I'm not exactly groovin' but I feel a hell of a lot better then I did before. I have been blessed and released from the barfiness. Yay me. Life in HR is all about who you are going to fire next. Next on the list we have a supervisor. Super nice guy, but just doesn't get it. So we have some ammo, it's time for the first write-up that will eventually lead to a 2nd write up that will end in a final write up that basically says You're Fired. (Can I say that? Does Trump have it copyrighted yet? Schmuck...) Write up number Uno lands on my desk last night after it has been given. Problemo numero uno: NO write ups go are given to anyone without submitting them to me prior for approval. No, I am not on an ego trip. It is my job to CEA (cover EVERYONE's ass) and ensure that the write up is solid and presents facts, not opinions and will hold up in a labor law dispute or unemployment claim. But Mr. Wonderful I am Above HR delivered it without my approval and it sucks ass. It has three sentences in it. Here's a tip: When you are writing up a member of management get your shit straight. Especially members of management who have very close family members that work for someone in the political/law circuit. You can't just write these vague, ambiguous statements and expect that to hold any weight on court. BE SPECIFIC, site exact occurrences, events, actions, expectations, standards and provide dates and times whenever possible. And be clear on the consequences should the behavior not get rectified. You can't just put in there "this better be corrected by February 28th." Why? Are you gonna spank me if it isn't? NO, you're going to fire their ass SO WRITE THAT. This guy has been in the business for how long and no one ever bothered to explain to him how you go about writing someone up? Him and I have been over this several times before and every time I say to him, "You have to be more specific. You need to provide examples." He argues with me, I go to my boss, my boss goes back to him and says, "Do what she says." Egotistical jackass. It must be hard to be so miserable in your life that you have to make everyone else around you miserable to.

you are the "you're so dumb" happy bunny. you are brutal in your words and enjoy putting others down. which happy bunny are you?

As I struggle through day three of a migraine that has the willpower of a 13 year old anorexic child saying no to french fries, I begin to contemplate the meaning of it all. Okay, contemplate is probably a strong word while experiencing a migraine. In fact thought in and of itself is difficult at this point. But alas, I forge on with this mentally depleting post so that I might be able to share my anguish with you, my precious readers, (all three of you). With each keystroke I fight the overwhelming nausea that keeps me on the edge of my seat in anticipation of a speedy trip to the bathroom to hurl. The thought of having to move anywhere quickly, even the bathroom, makes me want to vomit. (Painting a pretty picture, aren't I?) Is there anything worse in this world then trying to function with a migraine? The constant feeling of motion sickness which is only increased by slightest smell, noise and light. The fogginess that overtakes your brain making it impossible to form tangible, logically thoughts. The blurred vision and dizziness. Not wanting to come within 25 feet of food, especially smelly stuff. What the hell causes these things anyway? A brain tumor? Nah, a brain tumor might actually feel better. I can handle headaches, but throw in some barfiness and I am out. All I want to do is whine and piss and moan until I get even half-heart felt sympathy. Or I would settle for hanging out with the puppies all day watching Jerry Springer, whilst looking pathetic of course. The bottom line is migraines are the work of the devil and I feel like poo.

Deadlines and meetings and contracts all breached d-days and structure, responsibility Have to's and need to's, get to's by three Eleventh hours and upset employees I want to be naked running through the streets I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be I want to be weightless flying through the air I want to drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others I want to be naked running through the streets I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be I want to be weightless flying through the air I want to drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet All won't be lost if I'm governed by my own innate-ness The stoplights won't work, I'll get home sound and safe regardless won't be mayhem if I'm ruled by my own rule-lessness my fire won't quell and I'll be harm-free and distress-less (trust me) line-towing and helping, expectations-up-to living inside-box-obeying, inside-line-coloring I want to be naked running through the streets I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be I want to be weightless flying through the air I want to drop all my limitations but the shoes upon my feet I want to be naked running through the streets I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be I want to be weightless flying through the air I want to drop all these limitations and return to what I was born to be ~Alanis Morissette

I HATE snoopers. And I can rightfully hate them without feeling the least bit hypocritical because I am not a snooper. I remember the first time I found out someone had read my journal. I was in the 10th grade. All of about 16. My boyfriend at the time read it while I was in the shower. It happened again when I was all of 20 (you would think I would learn my lesson) when my now ex-husband read it. But it doesn't even have to be a journal that someone comes across and reads to violate your privacy. It can be something as simple as looking through an old cell phone or weeding through old pictures. These things should only be viewed when offered. There is no reason to scrounge through other people's belongings when they are not present, unless you happen to be an insanely insecure, untrusting spazz. I also HATE people who can not own up to being wrong. I admit I can be stubborn, especially about fessing up to being wrong about something. But not even I will hold out forever and try to misconstrue things to point the blame somewhere else. When you are caught red-handed fess up, apologize. It won't kill you. It may smart a bit, but I assure you your heart will continue to beat. And when you are genuinely sorry it makes it easier for the other person to forgive your transgression and move on with your life. Don't waste hours and days attempting to refocus the problem and make it into something it isn't. Just say I'm Sorry, I was wrong. Why is that so difficult for people? Why do they insist on muddying the waters and making the issue into something it isn't? Especially when a few words would resolve the whole thing and everyone could just move on and stop wasting all this energy on negativity! You would think this wouldn't be such a production if your care for the person you wronged. You would think one would want to bring closure to the issue and put it behind you. But some people are so stubborn, even more so then me, to the point that they will allow their bullheadedness to over shadow the real issue and the resolutions. So go ahead. Be stubborn, insist that you did nothing wrong. Don't be sorry, make it my fault. I don't care this time. You ARE wrong and you DO owe me an apology. And until you can sincerely admit to all of this I too will be stubborn and stand firm, unwavering. There is nothing more foreboding then a redheaded woman who KNOWS she is right.

Oh kids, kids, kids. What a wild ride January is proving to be and we are only half way through it. The first week I spent traveling, last week went by in a blur of meetings and this week has already started off to be quite the whirlwind as well. First thing this morning I directed the receptionist to get with a temporary associate we were planning on converting to fulltime. There are some standard tests we needed them to complete prior to processing their new hire paperwork. Basically the just establish that you are not a complete moron. You can be a partial one, even mostly one, but if you are a complete idiot, these tests will prevent us from hiring you. I also made sure the receptionist relayed that we would also be sending her for her drug screen today as well. When the receptionsit relayed all of the information the temp balked at the drug screen. This chick actually had the nerve to come into my office and ask me if I would be willing to delay her drug screen until Wednesday because she smoked weed over the weekend. Ummm yeah, let me think about that. Nope, nuh uh. I said, "You will go and you will go today." The more adament I got the more her story changed. By the end she possibly had only inhaled some of the smoke from the fattie that her brother was smoking. And she told him to not to that around her, but the nails that kept her feet stuck to the floor were just too strongand she was forced to inhale!! RIGHT. That damn stupid stamp must have krept up to my forehead again.

I have been concerned as of late about my considerably light workload. I hate being bored, especially at work. It makes me want to eat and it makes time drag on and on, both very bad things. This issue has been on my mind a lot lately, especially as I traveled back to our corporate headquarters last week where everyone is so busy they hardly have time to think (this explains a lot of their mistakes I find). The guilt was overwhelming. But alas today my prayers were slightly answered. I discovered there are ways to make work for yourself. For example, have 5 new people all start on a week you are out of the office. It took me all day to just to catch up, let alone process even a portion of their paperwork. (When I was little I always wanted to be a grown up in an office with lots of forms to fill out with fancy pens, and surrounded by lots of buttons to push. I was a very sick child.) And that was just to get them on payroll. I have to process four times that amount once I take them officially through new hire orientation. Ew. Yuck. I'm off to have my cat scanned tomorrow morning (which will inevitably but me behind on paperwork yet again). They want to take a looksy at my sinuses which I know are seriously f-ed up. Which means they will want to do surgery on the aforementioned f-ed up sinuses which means more time out of the office which means more opportunity for work to pile up anxiously awaiting my return. Lovely never-ending vicious circle isn't it?

Oh dear God...I am trying to recover from three days of eating nothing but fast food and 16 hours of traveling and hours upon hours of meetings. I take it all back. Having an important job is no fun. I am completly exhausted and cannot even find the enthusiam to be happy about the puppy who will soon think her name is, "No-No" because that is all the energy I will have to say. I arrived into work at 7:30am and was met by: A)my freezing ass office (the boss has still not sprung to get the heat fixed) B)a bizzilion e-mails C)4 immediate phone calls and D) 85 million voicemails. Let me first say, I hate voicemail. If you call on my cell phone, don't bother leaving one. I will see that you called and just call you back. I never stop to check the voicemail first. What's the point? 99% chance I am going to have to call you anyway. And at work: just send me a frickin' e-mail. I will respond 20 times faster anyway. I check my e-mail immediately, I wait until almost the end of the day to check my voicemail (you know, procrastinate the evil). But the bottomline is: I'm too freakin' tired and cranky to be here today. I am thinking that one HR manager will be vacating the premises early today. I need a mental health day! I mean hey, I just put in how many hours a day this week if you count all of the pointless traveling and hours spent sitting in the hotel room checking e-mails and answering phone calls? SO, I am giving myself the blessing to take off at three today to recoup (and it just also happens to coordinate with the pickup time for my new puppy!) Okay, so maybe there are some benefits to being important.

Tayla The end of this week holds great excitement for me. (Yes, I am capabable of possessing the sentiment they refer to as enthusiasm, I just tend to save it for things of the canine persuasion, rather then the human ones.:) The boy and I are adopting an absolutely adorable puppy from a local animal shelter. She is so way very, very cute. Being half Deerhound and half Greyhound, she will be a very big girl, but also very mellow. People tend to thing greyhounds are hyper dogs that require a lot of exercise because some of their relatives are track stars, but that's really not all together true. Typically they don't need any more exercise then any other dog and are actually very mellow, sweet things. As they grow older the tend to divulge in longer and longer naps. Ah yes, another dog that enjoys sleeping. Now I will have two bed buddies (well, three if you could that boy) to keep me warm at night and sympathize with me when I am ill, cranky, pouty, etc. God has blessed me so...:) I am very excited about going and getting her. Nothing makes me happier then bringing in a new animal to the family. And the fact that mom doesn't want me to, but is too chicken to say anything directly to me about it (remember: passive aggressive) is only the icing on the cake. Hopefully she won't find mom's shoes particularly tasty.

Is there anything better then arriving in a city you have never before laid on, driving around in a car you have never driven in the dark on unfamiliar highways? Oi. The business trip has begun. All day spent traveling. I survived my first plane ride to my lay over although I think the toddler who screamed for a third of a trip and hacked up a lung on me regularly was trying to see that I didn't. I bored the last plane to my final destination and its one of those two seats on each side kind, you know the kind that get in the air on their good looks and charm. I'm shoved in the little seat on the aisle next to some corporate asshole who is too busy scrolling through his billions of e-mails on his blackberry, typing on his laptop and talking on his cell phone to even be aware that he was hogging the ENTIRE arm rest. I mean, HELLO, half of that sucker is rightfully mine and I don't appreciate you taking the whole thing for your selfish yuppy arm! I am just sitting there with my elbows in my lap since I have no armrest to utilize, reading my little book, minding my own business. Every single time the stewardess bumps with her rather ample rump and never says excuse me! Don't they have a weight limit for those woman? I mean at least for the smaller aircrafts? Don't get me wrong, being one of ample booty myself, I am not demeaning her for her "curvaceous" figure. But at least freakin say excuse me for cryin out loud! Anyway I finally arrive at my lovely southern destination city, get myself in my economy size sedan rent-a-car and on the highway. Have you ever seen a CA diver on a southern highway? I was going probably 10 miles over the speedlimit (nothing compared to the average 20-25 mph over the limit typically found on CA freeways) and I was blowing past these poor people. In fact most of them were going under the speed limit by a good 5 mph! I just didn't understand. This makes no sense! They take as long to hit the gas pedal as they do to say rhododendron! ( had to figure out a way to work that word in there somewhere.) Tomorrow I will be knee deep in shrill, honey sweet accents and long boring lectures on topics I have already been dealing with for the past four months without lecturing. *Sigh* I suppose I should be grateful for a reprieve from the mundane day to day life of my boring little existence in my drab and dismal office. Woohoo. There is the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel, the bright side. Yeah, not so much. Excuse me while I bury myself in a small pity party. But don't worry too much a quick trip to the vending machine for a tasty sugary treat should quickly snap me out of it.