Superfluous Baloney

There are some ideas in this world that should never come into fruition. Audio blogs are definitely one of them. One of my favorite bloggers to read daily (who shall remain nameless Bored Housewife) took on such a venture today and I have to tell you it almost completely turned me off from reading her posts. I had to save our relationship by reading some of her past hysterical posts to make me remember why I started reading her in the first place. Her voice is horrible!!! And she sounded all white trash and stuff. (How do you sound white trash you ask? I don't know...you just do!) It was horribly disappointing, much like seeing a pic of a radio DJ you have been listening to religiously for years. They just can't live up to white marble pillars you have placed them on top of. Sad, sad day.

With the new year approaching and all I thought it might be time to get somewhat sentimental, well as sentimental as a self-centered gal like myself possible can, and reflect on what has occurred over the past year and what hopes I have for the new one: In the last year I have:

• Moved four times
• Returned to place of my birth
• Started a career
• Fallen in love
• Watched a bestfriend get married to a wonderful man
• Taught my chubby dog to roll over (you would know what a feat this is if you knew my dog)
• Started paying on student loans *sigh*
• Dated people I don't even recall now

What I hope the new year brings:

• Further knowledge and experience in my newfound profession to beef up the resume
• Another puppy dog
• Financial Security! (right.......like that'll happen)
• Medication for my mother (right......like that'll happen)
• Medication for my brother (right......like that'll happen)

Okay, well two out of five ain't bad.

Not so dissimilar for everything else I write. :) W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R 1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Tongue, have already once. 2. Be serious or be funny? Funny. DUH. Read the quote on the bottom of my e-mail signature. 3. Drink Whole Milk Or Skim Milk? Skim 4. Die in a fire or drown? Ummmm ew. Neither. Okay fine, I guess I would rather drown. Even though I have regular nightmares since the age of 5 about such things. ------------------------------------------------------------- A R E Y O U 1. Simple or complicated? Simply complicated. 2. Gay? Nope. If so I am so fully immersed in denial it wouldn't matter anyway. 3. Hardcore? Not so much 4. Honest? typically, yes. --------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU PREFER 1. Flowers or angels? Angels 2. Gray or black? Black, gray makes me looked piqued. 3. Color or black/white photos? Black and white, they are more dramatic. 4. Lust or love? Lust is easier to get over, but love is what everyone truly longs for, right? 5. Sunrise or sunset?: As a great conisuer of such thing I would have to say sunrises. They tend to be more vibrant. 6. M&Ms or Skittles?: Skittles! Gotta love the sugar highs. 7. Rap or rock?: Rock, although as of late I have been listening to more rap due to the fact that most everything in CA is ghetto-fabulous. 8. Staying up late or waking up early? NEITHER! Well, I guess getting up early since I have now lost the ability to stay up late in my old age. <----Not sure what happened to 9? 10. Eating apples or oranges? Both as long as they aren't sour ones. --------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU PREFER 1. Being hot or cold?: Hot.Hot.Hot. 2. Sun or moon? See above. Thus, Sun.Sun.Sun 3. Winter or Fall?: Fall 4. Left or right?: Right. I hate making left turns without a green arrow! 5. Having 10 acquaintances or having 2 best friends: 2 best friends. Not much of an acquaintance kind of gal. 6. Sun or rain?: I repeat: Sun.Sun.Sun. 7. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: Chocolate. 8. Boys or girls: For what? They each serve their own purpose. 9. Vodka or Jack?: No contest! Vodka! ----------------------------------------------------------------- ABOUT YOU What time is it?:9:28 am and yes, I should be working. What this has to be with me though is beyond me. Name?: Jezzebelle. K, not really but that's good enough. Nickname(s): LoLo, Lowie, Brat, Biligerent Midget, Rolla -------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT DO YOU WANT Where do you want to live?: Bora Bora where I can sip Mia Tias all day and work on my tan lines. How many kids do you want?: At least three. More if I can afford them. What kind of job do you want? Something flexible, but challenging and that I am good at. Do you want to get married?: Sure, why not. ------------------------------------------------------------------ UNIQUE 1. Nervous Habits?: I bite my nails and play with my hair. 2. Are you double jointed?: In my shoulders 3. Can you roll your tongue? Yes 4. Can you raise one eyebrow? Negative. At least not on purpose. 5. Can you cross your eyes?:Yes, one at a time. 6. Do you make your bed daily?: Nope, then the dog wouldn't be able to get back in it after I leave every morning. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- CLOTHES, ETC 1. Which shoe goes on first?: Right 2. Ever thrown one at someone?: Only when they deserved it. 3. How much money do you carry in your wallet? 2 quarter on a good week. 4. How much jewelry do you wear?: Very little. Earrings if I had energy to spare that morning. ------------------------------------------------------------ F O O D 1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: Twirl. 2. Have you ever eaten Spam?: I refuse to eat anything that comes out of its container looking like cat food. 3. Favorite ice cream flavor? Mint n' Chip 4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? None. Toast is cheaper 5. What's your favorite beverage?: Peppermint Tea, coke, Water. What's your favorite restaurant?: Bakers! it's cheap and tasty and I don't have to get out of my car. --------------------------------------------------------------------- GROOMiNG 1. How often do you brush your teeth?: Twice. In my lifetime. 2. How do you wear your hair for the most part?: All down and all boring. It's short and in the growing out stage so not so many options. 3. Have you ever dyed or colored your hair?: Oh yes. Usually in order to bring out more of the red. --------------------------------------------------------------------- MANNERS 1. Do you swear?: Fuck yeah. 2. Do you ever spit: Only when I need to. 3. You cook your own food: I can, but I have a mother who thinks she needs to do it all the time so that she can make me feel guilty about it later. 4. You do your own chores?: Mostly 5. You got laid today?: Nope. 6. You like beef jerky?: Sometimes 7. You like pepsi or coke?: Coke 8. You plan on going to college?: Done 9. You're happy with your hair?: I want it to GROW 10. You own a dog?:Yes and will hopefully soon own another. 11. You spend your money wisely?: Never. See previous posts. 12. You're always making new friends?: not so much. Definitely a people person and will talk to anyone, but the term "friend" is reserved for a select few. 13. You like to swim?: No, I prefer to float. 14. Have you ever gotten so bored that you call a friend?: I call friends but not out of boredom. I have gotten so bored that I watched an Infomercial. Now that's bored! 15. You're patient?: No. And why isn't this stupid survey over yet? I mean it's totally taking forever and I have so many things to do...:) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- LET'S BE HONEST. In the last month have you... 1. Bought something: Yes, duh. 2. Gotten sick: Yes, but it was completely by accident I swear. 3. Cried: Maybe a smidgen. 4. Sang: Only in the car and to myself. 5. Been kissed: Yes. By the dog and the cat! 7. Felt stupid: Daily 8. Missed someone: Daily 9. Got drunk: Negative, a sad state of affairs really. 12. Gotten your hair cut: Nuh-uh 13. Watched cartoons: Yes, I regularly enjoy Coconut Head on Fruit Salad Island. (No, I am not making that up. It's on Saturday mornings.) 14. Lied?: Daily 15. Been asked out: Not in a formal kind of way. 16. Gone on a date: See above. ------------------------------------------------------------ Last Person that... 1. Slept in your bed: Dog and that boy. 2. Saw you cry: That boy 3. Made you cry: Myself 4. Went to the movies with you: That Boy 5. You went to the mall with: That Boy. Sensing a theme here? 7. You went to dinner with: Dad, wife and that boy. 8. You talked on the phone with: Dallas 9. Said 'I love you' to you: Rosa Pee Pee 10. Broke your heart: Myself 11. Made you laugh: That show Everybody Loves Raymond 12. Bought you something: It was just Christmas, everybody did. -------------------------------------------------------------- Have You Ever... 1. Wished you were the opposite sex: Yes, but only when I wanna knock somebody's block off. 2. Snuck out of your house: Nope 3.Gave money to a homeless person: Yes. Who cares if they use it to buy alcohol? That's probably what I would have done with it anyway! Jesus! I think I need a nap after all of that!

I have to do a very grown up thing next week. I have to take a Business Trip *GASP* to our corporate headquarters to rub shoulders with some of the big wigs in our company. It's moments like these that I realize I am no longer a wee lass that can use my youth as an excuse for frivilous decisions and excessive alcohol abuse. Nope, can't pass off the old young and dumb stuff anymore. I will just have to come up with something better! No, but seriously. This has me quite nervous and all I can think about doing is throwing myself down on the floor and whilst kicking and flailing my arms about screaming, "I DON'T WANNA GO. I DON'T WANNA I DON'T WANNA I DON'T WANNA!!"

Since I moved back to CA it has been my biggest wish and desire to move directly back to the Midwest. But not just anywhere in the Midwest, to the exact area that my best friend in the whole entire world lives in. She seems more like family then anyone else in my life. She knows me better then my parents. And I absolutely adore her and her entire family, even her new husband the corn studier. :) AND through her I have met several people who are awesome to hang out with and could see myself easily becoming friends with should I plant my roots in this area. Last night I was wallering in self pity over my finances, or lack there of rather, which typically leads to me whining about my family which always navigates me right back to whining about moving to CA in the first place and how I cannot wait to move right back to the Midwest. That boy, being the sweet boy that he can be on occasion when he is bored with computer games and intersted in getting laid in the near future, was helping me to waller and also trying to distract me out of my funk simutaneously. So in complete innocence he asked me where in the Midwest I wanted us to move to. I looked at him questionly as it dawned on me that we had never breached this topic previously. I said, ", of course. Where my best friend lives." To which he replied, "What about my friends and family?" DOH! DAMMIT. He was supposed to selflessly say, "Of course dear, whatever will make you happy." At least that is they way I ran through the scene in my self-centered little mind anyway. Then we broke out into agrument/disagreement number 872. And I stated, "So it is better that we move to a city where neither of us has anyone so that it's fair???" Uh yeah, no. I mentioned that it would only be like 7 hours from his friends. We could go for long weekends. This was not suffcient. We then sat in silence knowing that we had once again happened across a topic that would come up again and again and be the center of meaning heated discussions to come. It was always my natural assumption that we would move to this particular area. It never even dawned on me that I did not happen to mention it to him. Damn me and the world that revolves around my precious self. Don't worry, I'm not giving up. I shall conquer this debate as I do most others, with the charm, sweetness and knack for manipulation that God gave me. :)))

Well, my book is written--let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me; and they keep multiplying; but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library--and a pen warmed up in hell. -Mark Twain in a letter to W. D. Howells, 9/22/1889

If you are tired of listening to these then please forgo reading this post. HEY, wait a second! This is my blog and I can whine if I want to and you HAVE to read it. Okay, so maybe have to is rather strong, but you should read it as a loyal and dedicated fan of my whining...I mean writing. :) WHY DID I FREAKIN' MOVE HERE???? Just to be tortured by my passive agressive mother and still be insanely broke and have this fact only highlighted on a daily basis BY my passive agressive mother because of her freakish paranoia about being homeless (don't even get me started on that one...) and her psychotic need to pay bills waaaaaayyyy before they are even due. Yes, I have a job that has really started me on the path to a career. BUT, it does not pay nearly enough to live in this will-sucking, over populated, armpit of a state. Sooooooooo, I have the same exact dilemma I had when I lived in the midwest, except now I have no friends and have to deal with my psychotic family on a daily basis on top of it. Real slick sister, excellent decision, one of your best so far I think .

I knocked, and now I'm in. I just happened to mention that the boy has kind of been complaining a lot lately, about anythig and everything. If they gave him fries instead of onion rings it's a national crisis. He had to go to someone new to cut his hair oand of course he hates...its the ugliest thing he's ever seen...he had to pay $17 for it...BLAH BLAH BLAH (my three favorite words). So I brought it up and said that it made me feel bad because I feel like I am responsible for keeping him happy and glad he moved here, but it seems like lately he is not happy about ANYTHING. And of course I was met with the immediate twist and turning of my own words that could only be surmmounted by the always trusty "your feelings are stupid" stance. So, what did I do? What do I always do? I mean COME ON, don't you ever pay attention to what I write on this thing?? I mean I pour out my heart and soul everyday for you to read and you can't even predict what I did?? I am soooo... Alright, just kidding. See? At least I don't lose my sense of humor...:) I left dummy. Just like I did when we got into it in Vegas. (That kicked ass by the way. Went down to the casino at 11:30 at night, alone. Drank, smoked and gambled. Even saw him at some point looking for me, but headed the other way just to be a shit ass. Stayed out until 2am and freaked him out good. It was fabulous. Ahhhhh...the games we play to make a point...) We were supposed to head to my Dad's house to feed the dog and were just going to stay the night there. But I informed him, after this lovely productive conversation, that I would just go and feed the dog and come back. SO TAKE THAT MO FO! Yeah right. He's probably just sitting there playing his stupid fucking video games pouting. Merry Fucking Christmas. BTW, this is my first Christmas spent with divorced parents...God I love dysfunction.

Because I am here: http://www.orient-express.com/web/obor/obor_a1a_splash.jsp So sorry, I can't write more, but I'm too busy soaking up sun, drinking Mia Tias and flirting with the Cabana Boy as he waves a palm branch to create a gentle breeze that keeps me cool... (Okay, so I'm not really there...physically, only mentally. And the only real reason I can't write is because I'm too tired and lazy after eating all of the Christmas sweets everyone has brought in at work. So THERE!)

It's either the heinous sinus infection or the fact that I have been off my anti-depressants for three days, but something is seriously fucking with me. I feel like my head is not connected to the rest of me. Like my wiring is fraying and causing shorts in my nervous system as well as my brain function. I feel like my fingers are on there own as my brain is providing little to no direction. It will be very hard to champion (this is my latest and greatest phrase that I plan on over using to the point of just being downright annoying with it) a Christmas Party and be the host with the most when the wiring for my circuits only works when it feels like it and these times are few and far between. I feel seriously fucked up in the head. I have one of those pleasant sinus headaches that screws with my equilibrium and makes me feel like I am car sick 24/7. That combined with the fog that crawled its way into my brain due to the lack of my meds with the "motivating factor." I feel like a slug. At least I imagine this is what a slug feels like. I mean with all that wet goop for a body, surely there is not a lot of room for things like motivation, energy or a brain for that matter. I just want to sit and stare mindlessly at a television set that is playing Judge Judy and Maurey Povich reruns in my pajamas, on the couch, with the dog keeping me warm. Food does not even sound enticing (of course why would it when I feel like I could hurl up my insides at any given moment). Please ask Santa for a gun for Christmas. Once he delivers it (and he better because you have been such an angelic little thing all year long...okay so there is a possibility he might only bring coal for you) please bring it over and put me out of my misery. Please sinus gods please have mercy on my poor soul and grant me a rotorooter job stat!

And look how trendy too! (Shut up, you know you love it.)

I have decided I don't like Christmas anymore. This was a difficult conclusion to come to, but after a great deal of thought and consideration this is the general consensus I have reached. I just don't like it. Sure Christmas lights are pretty and it's cute to see little kids get all wound up about Santa, but at 28 Christmas blows. I don't own a home to adorn with lights and the place I rent is hardly large enough for me and the dog, let alone a lovely little pine tree that would do nothing but dump needles all over the drab brown carpet. And then there is the whole issue with no longer receiving two whole weeks off in which to properly celebrate and enjoy the lights, Christmas tree, snow, presents, etc. as there was when one was still in remedial school. Oh yes, and there is the fact that no one any longer actually gives you anything you want anymore like they used to when you were a wee lass and spent hours pondering your Christmas List to send to Santa. AND THEN there is the fact that you are so completely and woefully broke you could never even dream of purchasing anything off of anyone else's List for them. And thus you feel horribly ashamed, unworthy and utterly guilt ridden by your lack of financial finesse. Like I need anything else to feel abominally guilty over here people??? What happened to it's the thought that counts?? Okay, so no one ever really bought into that concept anyway, but can't we all just pretend that we don't really need presents because we morally abhor the commercialized nightmare that Christmas now represents? WORK WITH ME HERE PEOPLE. I am broker then broke (trust me that's only one step above the brokest broke ever in the whole world) and can't afford to give anything except for my award winning smile and even that is pushing it. So BAH HUMBUG on Christmas I say!!(And please don't send any creepy ghosts to transport me back to Christmas' past and future to try and change my mine either...unless I am rich in the future, in that case please send the ghosts ASAP and let them know no return flight from the future back to the present will be necessary. Thank you.)

Alright, I'm not like Ms. Christmas or anything, but Jesus Christ some people need to lighten up. We are in our weekly, tortuous staff meeting (who calls a meeting on a Friday???) where I begrudgingly have to listen to each one of the operational supervisors whine about what's wrong in their little world and then it's my turn and I have to face the defensive and condescending remarks from the operational manager as I give my speal (Jackass extrodinaire). This time I was just throwing out how nice we were going to make the holiday party next week for the associates. You know, the ones who bust their ass everyday for an hourly wage that doesn't even compensate enough to pay for the gas it took them to get to work. And the dickhead has the nerve to look at me and interrupt in the freakin' middle of my little speech to ask, "Just how long are we planning on this taking? We are going to be really busy for the next two weeks and we can't afford to be..." BLAH BLAH BLAH. Asshole. But my boss, thankfully, looks at him and replies on my behalf, "Who are you? The Grinch???" We all got a chuckle at assholes expense. This makes me happy. What a schmuck. I mean give me some freakin' credit. I am fully aware of how we make money around here and I am MORE then aware of how busy you are going to be. And yes, dumbass, I happen to be intelligent enough to take such things into consideration when I plan events to keep the worker bees happy. Because if I didn't they would be out the door since you are such a dick to work for. You are a complete bastard and are getting nothing but coal in your stocking (as I am sure you are accustomed to at this point in your life because Lord knows you didn't develop into a complete jackass overnight.)

We bought a used gas stove a few weeks back. (Bastard, money grubbing landlord did not provide ANY appliances not even a refridgerator.) I screwed the line into the gas outlet from the wall, bravely turned it on and tried to light the pilot light. Nothing. So I turn on a burner and try to light one of those POOF fire. Hmmmmm. I don't know SHIT about domestic items such as stoves, washing machines, gas dryers , etc. But I have stumbled my way through them in the last few months and managed to get them all up and running all by my little self. This time I have no clue what to do. The gas is on, I can see where the pilot light should be, but I can't make it light. Mom's pissed and wants me to call the gas company. I don't have time for this kind of shit. (Yes, I have time to blog at work, but no, I do not have time to call utility companies...I mean I got standards man.) Finally today I say SCREW IT. I'm so freakin' bored at work I am willing to overcome my stubbornness and succumb to my mother's constant nagging and do something about the damn stove. (Really the only reason I finally decided to give in is I am craving these burritos that you make with chili, but you have to bake them in an oven...:) ) Me, however, still determined to be a somewhat stubborn pain in the ass, I decide to just say screw the gas company and call an appliance repair place instead. I call, the girl is annoying, yawns in my ear LOUDLY, blah blah blah. The guy will be there this afternoon...$59.99 service call fee...yadda yadda yadda. Call the BF tell him to expect the guy to be there (shouldn't matter, its not like he does anything all day anyway). Just got a phone call from the BF. He called to tell me we just paid $59.99 to have the guy plug the stove in and he just can't believe I didn't know you have to plug it in and he thought it was broken because that's what I said and that's why he didn't even bother to look at it but the minute that guy pulled the stove out he knew BLAH BLAH BLAH. Alright, I'm a smart kid, got a 4.0 in college, hold a job most folks my age could never dream of. But when it comes to domestic items I am admittedly clueless. I don't know anything about them nor do I desire to. HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SUPPLY ELECTRICITY TO A GAS STOVE??? It's not like the cord was just dangling down laying there behind the damn thing for all to see. They (the people we bought it from) had shoved it up inside. If I had seen a goddamn plug I would have fucking plugged it in. And then the BF calls me up just to mention this to me. Now, knowing my personality and general sentiments toward life, do I strike you as the kind of person that is going to take kindly to that sort of thing? Ummm yeah, no way Jose. So I ripped him one and by the time I was done we had established that the only reason he had called was to tell me that he loved me. That's what I thought!

If this guy were still alive I was SO work for him: (Be good & you will be lonesome.)

You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian. Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins. Christianity 79% Buddhism 79% Hinduism 54% Islam 50% Paganism 46% agnosticism 33% Judaism 25% Satanism 13% atheism 0% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

WHOA. Some people are just out there man. I mean really out there. And you don't even know it until one day they just sit down and let are their fruit-loopiness just spills out. I received an e-mail from one of our location managers. He said he wanted to know how thorough our background checks were on our employees and asked me to call him so we could discuss. I gave him a call and explained that they checks are very thorough, but why did he ask? He said last week an employee who has been with us for about three months, came into his office last week. She closed his door and said, "We really need to be careful who we hire around here." She claims that the mafia can no longer launder money through the fireman and policeman's pension funds so they are having to filter it through church accounts now instead. She also stated that the police and fireman in the area have been fathering illgetimate children and offering them as human sacrifices in October every year. And that the fires set last October in San Bernardino County were from a human sacrifice that went wrong. Oh-chi-wa-wa. This is a woman who is very mild mannered, soft spoken, very sweet and one of the hardest workers we have. She is extremely intelligent and personable. Who would have known she is nuttier than squirrel terds???? This job kills me.

Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. Ralph Waldo Emerson , Letters and Social Aims: The Comic, 1876

1. Cranky people really tick me off (except myself, of course). 2. I like SUGAR, A LOT. 3. I hate living in California. 4. I would rather talk to an animal then a human (yes, I know they can't answer, that's the point genius). 5. I love watching Nascar. (No, I am not a redneck jackass.) 6. I freeze to death everyday at work. (Because the manager is too cheap to pay someone to fix the thermostat.) 7. I want to learn to drive a motorcycle REALLY bad. 8. I secretly want to stick my arm out my window to closeline those guys that drive their motorcycles in between lanes of traffic while the rest of are dead stopped in gridlock. 9. I'm afraid of slipping on the concrete floors at work and chipping my front teeth. 10. The first thing I think about in the morning is when I can go back to bed. 11. I like my hair because it makes me different. 12. I wish I was skinnier. (There, now you know the truth. I'm just as superficial as all of the other women in the world.) 13. I plan on getting married on a beach barefoot. (Just don't know to who...) 14. I love to read anything and everything because it makes me feel smarter. 15. I only subscribe to Time magazine so I have something smart to say at awkward business meetings. 16. I have no idea why I am working in HR when I have always hated HR people in the past. 17. I think I am a huge nag. 18. I am a dork. 19. I like my dog more then my cat. 20. I plan on moving again in a year. (Even though my mom will throw a hellacious fit.) 21. I can't stand my dad's wife. She scares me. 22. I could easily become an alcoholic. I want to become an alcoholic. 23. I have never used an illegal drug. 24. I like smoking. (Except the smell...) 25. Spending money (even when I don't have any) makes me feel better. 26. I want to live in Disneyland. 27. I don't floss regularly. 28. In the shower I always do everything in the same exact order: a)Shampoo b)Conditioner c) wash body d)wash face e)shave any parts that need shaving. If I don't do it EXACTLY this way, I forget something. 29. I am addicted to caffeine and I don't care. 30. I have to eat something salty right after eating something sweet but I don't have to eat something sweet after I eat something salty. 31. The first thing I think about when I get to work is when I can leave.

I went to Jack in the Box for lunch and intentionally made a pig of myself my ordering a large combo meal just so I could get a free antenna ball (I want the reindeer for those of you who are dying to know). I order and get up there, grab my food and drive off. Only to discover NO ANTENNA BALL! I knew I should have mentioned it before I left. So now I am forced to eat this enormous serving of fries and bucket 'o coke for nothing!! The cheap bastards!!

Mark Twain was quoted as saying, What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I wouldn't have done it. Who was it who said, "Blessed is the man who has found his work"? Whoever it was he had the right idea in his mind. Mark you, he says his work--not somebody else's work. The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. Cursed is the man who has found some other man's work and cannot lose it. When we talk about the great workers of the world we really mean the great players of the world. The fellows who groan and sweat under the weary load of toil that they bear never can hope to do anything great. How can they when their souls are in a ferment of revolt against the employment of their hands and brains? The product of slavery, intellectual or physical, can never be great. Where are the people that think like this now? I mean this guy was seriously loaded (mostly from his published works, not so much his interest in investing in worthless inventions) and he thought this way. So, it can't be completely out of line to think that one might sometime come across a person of authority that thinks this way. I mean life is NOT all about blood, sweat and tears. There is supposed to be a lot of play and fun mixed in there too. So, why do people in positions of authority assume that if you are having fun you are not working hard enough? Is it the philosophy that misery loves company? Since they hate their job, life, wife, car, dog, etc. everyone else around them, even at work, should be miserable as well? I think NOT. Maybe it is because I am a mere 28 compared to their ages that reach into the 50s. Maybe its because I am still green and naive and untainted by lifes little nuances that eventually wear one out over time. Or maybe its just because they are born sticks in the mid and have never been happy individual, thus they resent us happy-go-lucky folks for our ability to cast off life's burdens and still find the fun in our everyday existance. What I'm saying here people is, I am SICK to death of these middle aged losers sucking my will to live everyday because I am still young and relatively perky. I am mean can't they justy lighten up for crying out loud? Why is it so hard to remember that although we do have a job to do and work to focus on, there is still the possibility of having FUN while you do it. I mean will the world crumble if we stop everything for 30 minutes to have a squirt gun fight? Or spend a little extra cash to bring in warm Krispey Kremes? NO. And the reward for doing such things for your employees would be worth whatever expense came with incorporating these activities. But how do you get some number crunching, penny pinching asshole who is always knee deep in his laptop of that???? If you think of something, let me know.

I will be the answer at the end of the line I will be there for you while you take the time In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground I will hold the balance if you cant look down If it takes my whole life I wont break I wont bend Itll all be worth it worth it in the end Cause I can only tell you what I know that I need you in my life When the stars have all gone out youll still be burning so bright Cast me gently into morning For the night has been unkind Take me to a place so holy That I can wash this from my mind The memory of choosing not to fight If it takes a whole life I wont break I wont bend Itll all be worth it worth it in the end Cause I can only tell you what I know That I need you in my life And when the stars have all burned out Youll still be burning so bright Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind

Yeah, I finally had a real one. Even though I have the official anxiety pills I do not believe I have ever had a real attack until last night. The pills were given to me to calm my brain down at night more so then control attacks. And last night started out similarly. I always try to go to bed without taking one and am sometimes successful in this endeavor, but sometimes not. Already once this week I forced to take one. But back to last night. I was laying in bed trying to get the brain to shut off but insteaded started to think about yet another issue at work. I had an epiphany on the subject that seriously sparked some anger. The anger ignited so quickly and strongly that I began having trouble breathing. My heart was began beating quickly and my throat felt very tight, so tight it felt like it wasn't letting any air in. I immediately got up and took a pill, but those take a while to kick in. So I sat there in my panic stricken state until the damn thing could calm me down. It freaked the hell out of me. So I text a particular someone just wanting to talk about it since I am seriously weirded out by the experience. But they did not call. They were out having fun and to their defense it was their last night in town to hang with friends. But it would have been nice to hear some supportive, reassuring words from someone you love when you think you might be losing your mind. That is honestly what it felt like. I have never been incapable of calming myself down. But last night the more I tried the worse the panicky feeling got. I would just more and more angry as I realized it is my job that causes me to feel that way. A job that doesn't even pay enough to make it worth going through such trauma. But I am completely stuck here for another year. But we have discussed this dilemma previously so I will leave you to ponder my sudden thrust into insanity.