Superfluous Baloney

...to see my friends this weekend. To have one of our girls only nights out. Where we spend two hours drinking and getting ready and swapping clothes and putting on each other's makeup and swearing to the others that they do not look fat, they look seriously hot. And then going and eating all together with more drinking and then heading out to a dance club and shaking our asses and more drinking until the wee hours of the mornings. And then waking up way late the next day, eating tremendous amounts of fattening breakfast foods and shopping the day away. I miss my girls! I miss remembering that I am a girl and I do have a need to do seriously girlie things on a semi-monthly basis. I miss us gushing and whining about lovers and sharing details of hot nights of sex and teasing each other incessesantly about it. I miss us sitting at the bar, pointing and laughing at all the hoochie mama's and the pathetic men that they think they can buy us enough drinks to make them cute. I miss being known as The Pick Up Artist that scores us free drinks all night and even an occasional free taxi ride home. All I want is a chance to be a complete estrogen ridden female surrounded by my estrogen ridden friends once in awhile. Is that so much to ask? Can I ask one more time why the hell I moved here? OH YEAH! It was for this marvelous job that pays way below the market standard and keeps me from having anything that would resemble a life. I miss my girls. I hope they miss me too. :(

My internal dialogue about these babies is nothing but good, fan-freakin-tastic stuff. In fact one might even say that it borderlines on straight out vanity... Who wouldn't kill for a pair of tootsies like these?

And I DON'T CARE. Okay, I do too care, but I'm tired and cranky today so I am going to pretend like I don't care. I have spent all morning pretending to be working very hard when really I was doing nothing at all. But you know what the bad thing is about slacking off? Time goes by slooooooooooooooowwwwwwww. It goes by a lot faster when you are actually working, you know, like doing your job and stuff. I think slacking almost takes more energy and creativity. It's difficult to find things to occupy your time that are solely and woefully unproductive BUT that can stay undetected under the radar as well. So I am a sabatoger. If I had come in with the attitude of wanting to get things done today it would be 2 already. But instead I came in determined to be a slacker and it would have worked out alright had lightening knocked the phones out and the network and a snow/ice storm had kept everyone else at home. Oh yeah, and aliens came down and blasted all the cell phone towers too. Damn the luck, every showed up and everything is working fine which means they actually expect me to work instead of sit staring at the blank, white walls pondering the mysteries of life and my own complex existence. So, yes I have sabotaged my own productivity today. But that is not the only thing I am good at destroying. I'm also well versed in taking something that is good and right and turning it into something that is evil and wrong. Like relationships for example. I get myself in one and then quickly, semi-subconsciously, work to get myself back out. "The Demons", as I so fondly refer to them, kick in and begin playing tricks on me. They whisper sweet nothings in my mind with sinister paranoid tones about discontentment, unworthiness, heartbreak, and abandonment. It wreaks havoc on my confidence, trust, focus, intuition, beliefs, and it makes me question even my own feelings. Then, if I buy into it, I start to push away. I distance myself from the situation by being a pain in the ass, so the person will give up and walk away and leave me, just like I feared. And then I can walk around with some sick sense of superiority because I was right, I knew he would leave and look he just walked away. He didn't stay and try to convince me. He didn't stay and fight and tell you you're worth it. The demons were right all along. Don't think I've lost it and I hear voices or something. "The Demons" are just another title for my own paranoia and feelings of inadequacy all related through my string of consciousness and constant internal dialogue. I was once listening to a lecture in one of my classes in college, it was a personal development class. (Great class by the way, learned a ton.) The instructor was talking about our own internal dialogue and she said, "Have you ever listened to the way you talk to yourself? Most people say things/think things to themselves and judge themselves much harsher then they would others." So I stopped and thought about it a bit and realized I am one brutal, heartless motherfucker with myself. I treat myself and talk to myself in ways I would never dream of speaking to others. I'm mean, harsh, heartless, hurtful, destructive, inimical, insidious...I could go on and on here just hand me a thesaurus. If I spoke to others the way I speak to myself I would be considered one of the biggest villains of all time. I mean we're talking worse then Lex Luther, The Green Goblin, Magneto, The Tasmanian Devil, Elmer Fud, Yosemite Sam, Sylvester, ...Alright you get the picture (kind of got off on a Looney Toon tangent for a minute there, huh?). Anyway, I'm down right rotten to myself and I don't know how or show much interest in wanting to change that. So what we have here kids is a good ole fashioned dilemma, a quandary, a deadlock, a predicament, a quagmire (no I didn't make that word up). I don't know what the fuck to do with myself or how the fuck to stop doing it. Because what if I stopped being so harsh and started telling myself how beautiful and wonderful and fan-freaking-tastic I am and then someone else comes along and provides a very convincing argument to the contrary? So, I guess I'll just continue to be a complete pain in the ass, inevitably running everyone off and berating myself for it later. Oh yeah, GREAT plan kid. Worked long and hard to come up with that solution, didn't ya? You worked harder and longer on this blog...

I just want to kick and scream and throw a damn fit. I'm so mad I could just spit. NO, my pity party did NOT work... Now today instead of being sad, I'm just cranky, frustrated and mad. What the hell are you supposed to do with all of this frustration and annoyance when the solution for it is not within reach? AND you have no control of when it will be in within reach! I want to cuss nonstop for 12 minutes straight at the top of my lungs. I want to just scream and yell and knock someone upside the head. I want to kick the shit out of something until I am too exhausted to be angry anymore. Why can't I ever be the one with the control? The one who decides the when and the how and the where. Why am I always the one that has to stand there and beg to be worthy?! I thought I was better then this. I thought I had learned from past relationships and taken back control. I thought that was why I wasn't in those relationships anymore, because I know that I'm worthy and the right person would know it too and we could just be together and be happy. Why do I have to pay for others transgressions, but I don't make anyone else pay in return? Why do I continue to put complete faith and confidence in others when they don't do the same for me? At least the secret is out now...YES I AM A COMPLETE PAIN IN THE ASS. I make life complicated and difficult. I don't like feeling this way and I'm not quiet about it. So I will argue and protest and make things harder then they should be. I'm fine with waiting, but not when you are my focal point...The only thing I think about...The only thing that makes me happy...The only thing I want. So, I either have to take a step back and become less dependent until enough time has passed for me to be deemed worthy, or continue to feel like this. And since I refuse to continue to feel like this, what choice do I have but to get on with my life by getting a life. Although life was pretty dull before all this, at least it wasn't so damn complicated and frustrating. You are so sweet and I feel bad for being such a pain in the ass, but at the same time you (indirectly and unintentionally) are the reason why I have all this frustration. I need an inanimate object to kick around and scream at, maybe then I would feel better. Or maybe a militray issued Hummer to run a few cars over with on the freeway. Or I would settle for a trip to Tahiti and a really hot cabanna boy to bring me Mia-Tias and feed me grapes. Hell, maybe I just need to get laid.

Can I just tell you how badly I do NOT want to go home in this doom and gloom, when it is already dark, to a house filled with nobody and a bed that's cold because no one has been waiting patiently in it for me (well, okay, except for Rosa, but she SO does not count. She only takes up one tiny spot and although I appreciate that at night when my little toes are cold, it is not so helpful when what you are wanting is an entire PERSON, particularly That Boy in your bed waiting for you). So I am sulking. I want to pout and mope and sigh loudly until someone finally asks, "What's wrong princess, angel, adorable girl, gift from heaven?" (HA, I kill myself) But there isn't anyone there to ask. Not even my three-sheets to the wind mother. Even she has better things to do today. And even if she were there I would only be subjected to listening to her rattle off a list of why her life is so way worse then mine. While she drones on and on I would just sit and listen and nod in agreement once in awhile like I do with my little worker bees in the warehouse. We would only stay on the subject of me for a total of 30 seconds before I would be drowned out by her incessant whining. Then I would get to the point where I lose my patience and want to yell, "OF COURSE YOUR LIFE IS WORSE THEN MINE. YOU HAVE HAD AN EXTRA 28 YEARS TO WORK ON RUINING IT!" Not to mention the fact that you happen to be an eternal pessimist... But anyway, inevitably I would end up heading to my room at that point without so much as a nibble of food to just journal and have a pity party. I think I'm due for a pity party. I'll stop at the liquor store for a bottle of wine, crank up the stereo while my Bathtub Mix plays, and run a nice hot bath with only candles for light. And then I'll sit amongst the bubbles and the steam, drinking my wine and crying in the name of self-pity. It sounds a tad bit lonely and depressing I know, but truthfully its very cathartic. I typically find I feel oodles (YES, I did just use the word "oodles" so get over it) better the next morning. Although while the pity party is commencing one can feel a bit lonely and downright pathetic over the whole ordeal, but overall its good for a girl to sit down and have a good self-inflicted, alcohol induced, surrounded by self pity, old fashioned ball-your-eyes-out session over every little thing that is wrong in your life. From never getting to star in the 3rd grade Thanksgiving Play to not buying those perfect shoes last week at the mall when they were on sale, to missing someone terribly and not being able to do anything about it. Oh yeah baby, I cover it all. I don't miss a single solitary thing from kindergarten on up to 27 years, 10 months and 27 days. And sometimes just to really make sure I get every last tear out of me for at least another 30 days or so, I throw in a screening of The Notebook, the saddest love story ever captured on film. Oh yeah, if you have even an ounce of tears left, that'll drain ya dry. I know you boys don't understand this kind of thing, but trust me, girls need it. You would hate to be dealing with me on a week like this if I continued to keep it all bottled up and didn't purposely make it all come out over anything, everything and nothing all at the same time. See ya kids, that bottle of wine and hot bath are calling my name.

How much longer will I be able to say that one?! Only two years, one month and nine days. I need to start acting like I'm in my twenties! I'm all caught up in this super high pressured, grownup-like job, hanging around people that have AT LEAST a good 8-10 years on me. It makes me forget that I am only in my twenties and supposed to be having the time of my life. So how come I have the energy of a 60 year old? Maybe it's all that junk food, alcohol and lack of exercise. OR maybe it's this damn nasty weather. I thought I was living in the sunshine state! So why haven't I seen the sun in days??!! Damn depressing, makes me want to crawl under my desk and not come out. Alright, and I had a chocolate shake for lunch that is only adding to my sluggishness. So, I guess I'll have some crack in a can to get my ass back in gear and try to be remotely productive since I can't seem to come up with anything under the screwing off category to occupy my time. Dammit. I want to go out this weekend and do something FUN. But instead I have plans to go to a movie with my mom and shop for a washer and a dryer. BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm falling alseep just thinking about it. It's pathetic how I am wasting away all my good years surrounded by all of these old people who just drag me down. I'm cranky!

I just got back from the most amazing weekend where everything was perfectly wonderful (I KNOW, blah blah blah, BARF but too bad it's my blog dammit and I'll gush if I want to) and now I am back in the doom and gloom, high pressured world of work. EWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Up to my eyeballs in male egos, phone screens, employee complaints and long days with no breaks or lunches. Its all just downright depressing. Not to mention I feel like my brain has been split right down the middle. Half of me is trying to get back to being happy with complacency. Finding that sick comfort zone often associated with routine and everyday, mundane tasks...like my job. But after what I experienced over the weekend how can I be happy with only that? How can I go back to being content with working 10-12 hour days and going home to my inebriated mother and doing nothing but watching TV all weekend? So the other half of me wants to throw a fit and stay in bed all day until I go back to getting all that other good stuff that I had over the weekend. I'm antsy. I know there is more out there now and I want it and I want it NOW. It's like someone gave me Heroin for the first time and now I can't ever have it again. I almost feel like I have split personalities or something, but I think the truth is that I have finally become accustomed to feeling one thing, but plastering a smile on my face and displaying the exact opposite. I have always wanted to be able to achieve such a "poker face" but had been unable to previously, as I tend to wear my emotions on my face quite obvioiusly. But now that I have discovered this new found ability, I'm also somewhat saddened by it. No one will ever know what I am really feeling or thinking unless I blab it out, and even then it often appears that I am not sincere or serious about any negative or downtrodden emotions because I still laugh and smile as I relate them. I find myself even shining on That Boy. I still laugh and joke around and relay things about my day as if I do not miss him horribly and desire to spend long days cowering under the cover sin my bed until he returns. I asked myself why I would do such a thing after professing to be such and upfront and honest person. The only conclusion that I have come to is I am afraid to be anything but the peppy, cheery person everyone has come to like and one has come to love. What if the the thing they like most about me is my happy disposition and if I start acting down in the dumps and explaining the other, not so cherry aspects of my emotions they won't like me anymore let alone listen to me, even That Boy. So I continue the charade, too much of a chicken shit to do anything else. :(

Was not so very far away this weekend. We were together. For 3 whole days and four whole nights. Just the two of us. In Vegas. Although the casinos were noisey and crowded, it was like no one else was around. It was just us. Just the two of us. We laughed, a lot. We cuddled, and ate, and teased...and then we fell in love. Not sure when or how. But we fell, together. Now the 3 whole days and 4 whole nights are gone. I'm gone too. Back to work, back to the world and back to reality. The gray, cold, foggy reality, the sunny desert sky gone. Where it is just me, not us. I miss us. I miss feeling his warmth on my skin and smelling his scent on the sheets. But the memory of how it feels is already becoming a distant memory. Although I know there will be an us again with more feelings, touches and smells, it seems like a lifetime away. But I will wait. Be patient. Wait for his return. Wait for his touch. Wait for his kisses. Wait for him to not be so very far away, again.

I may need some reminding of why I chose Human Resources as a profession. This week has been chalked full of reasons to become something tedious, boring and that doesn't involve people. Like a computer programmer or something. I have written three people up and should be working on a fourth. I have been in arguments with an egotistical, male chauvinist of a manager twice, reported to two individuals that we had to terminate them due to extensive criminal backgrounds that they failed to disclose on their application and had to tell another that unless he can provide proof stating otherwise, the social security number he provided us does not belong to him. I also had to witness two amazingly tense and awkward discussions between my boss and another manager, whom I actually like. And then had to chat with my boss about how we can terminate that same manager. :( This week sucked my will to live so much that not even my best friend vodka helped lift my spirits. What kind of a world are we living in when not even alcohol can pull you out of the depths of despair??? I mean if you can't count on that, what can you count on??? Answer me that! Next thing you know it people will be saying drugs do more harm then good! And they guy that I really care about and could so easily and beautifully distract me from all of this negativity and remind me that the weight of the world does NOT rest on my shoulders and that it is okay to act and feel and be 27, IS 1800 MILES AWAY. Bastard needs to move dammit. I am going to treat myself to a very handy three day weekend next week though. I am going to come down with the cocktail flu or maybe even anal glaucoma (can't see my ass going to work) next Friday. I am going to spend three glorious days drinking my ass off amongst the amazingly gaudy nightlife of Vegas.

As I sit here and type this there is a young woman in my office crying her eyes out. She was just told the biggest blessing in her life has been taken away from her. Her two year old son was just killed in a gang related shooting. Her husband is on her way to pick her up. I have spent the last two days drowning myself in self-pity over stupid shit like how lame my family is, how lonely I am, how high stress my job is. I feel like such an ass. Like a self-centered, superficial child. All this crap is going on around me that I could not even fathom trying to deal with to people who have a lot less in their lives then I do and I am whining because my mom can't be a grown up. I guess God thought I needed a swift kick in the ass to get me back down to earth. I got it and I deserved it.

I learned a lesson today. It's actually one that was brought to my attention some time ago, I chose not to accept it or act off of it until now. I'm in this world alone. I am a solo act, the entire starting line up, not only the star player, but the whole damn team. I was dealt a shitty hand when it came to family. I'm the parent to my "parents." Today, I am accepting this. I will no longer whine about it and wish to just have a mom or a dad. I will accept the fact that I get sucked into playing the roles for my parents and that I will never get to be "just a kid." I'm 27, almost 28, and it's time to suck it up and accept that this will never change. I will never be given the luxury of knowing that someone else will have my back and help me when I am down. They might help, but not before whining about how much it will effect them in the long run and adding on the guilt which only adds to my stress level and compounds the problem. I will never receive that unconditional love and support most children are provided through their parents. I got it, loud and clear, Roger That, 10-4 good buddy. I will pull my own weight as well as theirs since this is the hand I have been dealt as they have chosen to only add to my burden rather than lighten it. I will take whatever the world gives me as well as what they hand over and I will just deal with it. Because that is what I am assuming is the role I am intended to play. I'll deal with it. I dealt with it 9 times out of 10 while I was 1500 miles away I will learn to deal with it 10 times out of 10 now that I am here. I understand that I had smoke blown up my ass about all of the wonderful support I would be given if I would just move back to California. It was all talk and never meant for me to follow through on. I'm a big kid and I will go back to remembering that. I don't need a man or a mom or a dad to fix my life. I will suck it up and go it alone. I will lean on no one and therefore will not continue to be disappointed. I will go it alone without so much as saying a word to another soul. I will tough it out, suck it, and hold strong and for it I will be a stronger, more self-reliant person who is completely self made.

Listen up mother fucker, don't you ever talk to me like that again. Don't tell me I'm having a bad day like I don't have a right to be annoyed and frustrated with you regardless of the type of day I'm having. Good day or bad day, you were being an ass. When I ask you to do something for me I expect you to say yes or no. Keep the rest of your bullshit comments to your fucking self. You have no business talking down to me, I hate to tell you this but we answer to the same man. Which means in the lovely realm of the corporate organizational hierarchy we are lateral sweetheart, not fucking perpendicular. You have a concern or a question about why I'm asking you to do something you can inquire in a polite and respectful tone. You have no business talking to me like I am five years old. I have gone above and beyond to make sure I have helped you out in the past and that your facility needs have been met. Do you think that will continue after you spoke to me that way? Good luck sweetheart. I don't have any problem throwing your needs to the bottom of my priority list. And then when I nail you for being a dipshit you think you can come off playing dumb? I don't think so. I'm not an idiot. Just because I am female and we have interacted on a friendly level does not mean you have the right to speak to me in such a manner because you perceive me as having a "bad day." You have no idea who you are fucking with. Keep it up sunshine and you will wish you had never fucking met me. I can cause you a world of hurt in places you didn't even know I have control over. I may be small and female, but I have a bark and a bite the size of a fucking starting line up defensive lineman for the NFL.

He is wonderful, adorable, thoughful, considerate, cute and sweet. The only thing he's not is here. Like in this state or time zone for that matter. He is 1800 very long miles away. He is the type of person I would like to come home to at night. The person I want to meet out for dinner after a long day of work. The person I want to curl up with on Saturday nights and watch a movie with. The person who's hugs would make the rest of the world disappear. I want to know what it would feel like to fall asleep in his arms every night and kiss him first thing every morning. I want to look forward to seeing him every evening when I get home for work. He would be something to be happy about outside of work. Another aspect of my life to be excited about. And I wouldn't mind giving to him because I know that eventually it would be my turn to take. And he would give as much as I do and I would take as much as he does. And we would be happy. So he needs to move NOW. Patience is not a virtue I posses. :)

Somewhere there's a stolen halo I use to watch her wear it well Everything would shine wherever she would go But looking at her now you'd never tell Someone ran away with her innocence A memory she can't get out of her head I can only imagine what she's feeling When she's praying Kneeling at the edge of her bed And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me like holy water Holy water She wants someone to call her angel Someone to put the light back in her eyes She's looking through the faces The unfamiliar places She needs someone to hear her when she crys And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me like holy water Holy water She just needs a little help To wash away the pain she's felt She wants to feel the healing hands Of someone who understands And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me like holy water Holy water

LUNCH. This is the first time all week I actually left the building, got something to eat, came back and shut my damn office door to actually enjoy even just 30 minutes of peace and quiet and a bit of blogging. I've hired and started 6 employees this week and am in the process of firing two. It has been a killer. I am so just drained. Last night I went out for a little social interaction outside of work in hopes that I would get some of the give and take I am longing for. NOPE, I got more take and it wasn't me doing the taking. I know HUGE shocker wise guy. I sat there and listened to the other person's problems all night long. And it's not that I mind doing that, at all. I actually enjoy it. I listen, sympathize, distract, entertain, whatever they need to release some of their stress and frustration. I know, I know...what can I say? I'm a mother fucking saint. EXCEPT, that later on I get bitter and resentful about the whole thing. I think to myself, "HEY! What about me??? What about what I'm going through? Who is going to listen, sympathize, distract and entertain ME???? I mean HELL I would just settle for a goddamn hug right now. This job takes SO MUCH energy. And it is extrememly mentally and emotionally stressful and draining. I mean how would you like it if you found out a guy you really like and enjoy having work for you has THREE felonies and lied on his application??? That shit sucks. It's disappointing, frustrating, discouraging and not to mention and TOTAL pain in the ass. Because now I have to find someone to replace the mother fucker A-SAP!! Selfish bastard! Just another dumbass lookin' out for number one. And what makes it worse is having no support outside of here to talk to. To get support and comfort from. It would be nice to be able to look forward to going home at night and curling up with someone. But instead I walk into another world filled with a whole different kind of pressure and stress. It's just crazy and I don't know what to do about it anymore. All I can do is continue to tread water and hope that another big wave doesn't come up and drown my ass.

What a day. Woke up hungover (yes on a Tuesday dammit) and just to add to the patheticness of that statement I drank at home, alone, on a Monday night and didn't even watch football. Not even my mom was home. Alright, say it with me now LA-HOOOOOOOOSER, with a capitol "L." Go ahead make your hand into an L and put it to your forehead, you know you want to. What a nerdballer I am. Just had a crappy day and you know how shit trickles down hill so I got a call from my boss at the end of the day that only topped off the whole thing. So I went straight home, after eating one bag of chips all day, and drank three glasses of straight Vodka. Yeah I was lit in about 45 minutes. To the point of not remembering kind of lit. Holy Moly. I need to get it together. But really I just feel it's my responsibility to carry on the family tradition. I mean I can't let my mom and brother be the only alcoholics left in the ole family tree. That wouldn't be right. Had another one of those days today, I just didn't care as much because I didn't have the energy for it. And any indication that I cared about ANYTHING today was meerly a coincidence or gas. (HA, that one was funny.) So I have been at work for three weeks now and I think I need a vacation. I mean they can't expect to go like a whole month without some extra days off, right? I mean, be real people, let's not get crazy here.

Tell Her Tell her you think she's cool. tell her why you think she is so cool. Pick her up and pretend you are going to throw her into the river; she'll scream and fight you but secretly she'll love it Tell her she looks beautiful. Introduce her to your friends as"The most amazing girl i know". Let her pay for stuff if she wants to. Sit in the park and talk to her. Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid jokes. Write her a note. Just walk around with her. Throw pebbles at her window at night. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. surprise her. do things that make her smile, make her laugh. be spontaneous. Carve your names into a tree. get her mad, then kiss her. Give her piggy back rides. Give her space if she needs it. Push her on swings. Take her shopping (and don't whine about it). Stay up with her all night when she is sick. Make up pet names for her, but cool ones not sappy ones. Make her mixtapes/CDs. Teach her something. When she`s sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her even if she`s not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Let her take all the photos of you she wants.. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her , even if the music is fast. . Kiss her in the rain. And when you fall in love with her, Tell Her.

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less. Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the best. Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming. Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn't give you permission to stop running. Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity. Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality. Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs. Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair. Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn't mean that you are not already a queen. Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing. Keep shining, Keep running, Keep hoping, Keep praying, Keep being exactly what you are already...COMPLETE.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big weenie or huge boobs. I've learned you shouldn't compare yourself to others - They're more screwed up then you think. I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've Learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money to takes it place. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do. I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves. I've learned that no matter how we try to protect our children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. I've learned I can say, "F---'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

...impossible to forget, but hard to remember.