Superfluous Baloney

So I succumbed to the pressure of conforming and being a good kid at work. Yeah no more messenger all day everyday in between every phone call and dumb, lameass glorified secretary crap. Ok, so I can't totally give up my deviant ways, but I did at least stop doing it when they are actually in the office. It's funny that this repentance has come now, after I have already resolved myself to finding a new job in which I can actually utilize my education and possibly get made at least a fraction of what my overly inflated ego claims I am. :) Funny thing is although being a good kid is no fun (not even a smidgen) it is kind of a reprieve. No more frantically closing windows out of paranoia every time the elevator dings. Or nervousness when the messenger box turns orange with a nosy boss near by. I was really forced into the life of sovereignty. Everyone knows, I, the queen of deviousness would never consciously choose such an existence of my own accord. My once friend, the computer geek/freak, now the official computer loser for our office turned rat face on me. The bastard stabbed in the back by transforming into an informant for the powers that be. The jackass not only removed everything off my PC for them, but also told them what to look for to see if I had re-downloaded anything. Me, however, never fully willing to admit defeat or concede placed a password on my PC. He'll have to ask me for it the next time he pretends to be doing something when he is in fact snooping. I will request that I myself type it in and make any changes to the PC, all in the name of eagerly wanting to expand my dorkhood by becoming more technologically savvy. Ass munch. I hope he gets The Clap.

Nothing like spending four years going to college, busting your balls to get a nicely applicable degree to just about anything in the lovely real world just like your daddy told you to, blowing 25K on the deal that you will be paying back unto your own children are in college only to find yourself sitting at a desk raking in less then 30K a year and having worse benefits then place you worked at before the degree. Ah, the life of a young ignorant lass stuck in the midwest. Damn, ya gotta just love that. So I sit here, I blog, I surf the net, I intermittently beg my boss for things to do only to find myself going back to sitting here trying as hard as possible to be a good prodcutive employee, but only to be left with nothing to do ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Because although you received a 4.0 GPA, won the award of excellence for your class, you are not a therapist. The gods of all gods in this place. Thus, you can only be trusted to handle trivial secretarial duties, nothing that requires intelligence, motivation, gummtion, initiative, creative thinking, etc. Well, maybe in the world of this tiny little company, but not in the realm of the real movers and shakers. Yeah you have to put up with a lot of beaurocratic BS in the corporate world but shit, at least the compensate you better for putting up with it. Here I'm considered a moron next to people with pathetic Associate Degrees because I can't name all the ligements in a knee or pinch an artery. SORRY for thinking science was boring and that management and human relations would not only better suit my interests, but also not limit me to one field of focus or job market. Pardon me for not giving a crap about proper back support or wound care. Good for you, but screw it for me. Enough of being a peon already. When do I get to ge a f'ing grown up in the work place???

Do you think I am an idiot? That I don't know the hushed conversations behind closed doors are about me. You obviously have no trust or faith left in me. Trust me, if I could figure a way out of here I would be long gone. Do you think I enjoy having to stay here with you breathing down my neck everyday just waiting to pounce on every little mistake? What kind of person would want to live and work under those conditions? And it's always my word versus everyone else's. Unfortunately though, my word holds no wait. I am stuck in a lose lose situation without an immediate out. Do you think I don't notice the difference in the way you treat me? The annpyance in your voice when you ask me a question? No, I don't see it because I'm a fucking idiot. I'm just some young punk kid who doesn't want to bother with the details. Some moron who can't get it right. Let's not bother talking about the promises you made me before I came on board. Oh yeah, we can't pay you that much, but in 6 months we'll have you in a directors position doing profit sharing. It's been a year and I am a glorified secretary. I got a degree to be a goddamn secretary. No, I didn't. And I didn't take this job to be one either. I took it because of the promises you made me. The ones that I am sure you would deny today. But I'm just a young punk kid. What the hell do I know right? So now I get to uproot my life and start over again. You have obviously lost sense of humanity. Your annoyance and frustration with me has allowed you to forget that I am a person with feelings and a life outside of here. A life that is directly affected by what happens here day in and day out. I am a person with a self esteem, with pride, with work ethic, with a brain. I guess it's just easier to forget about that and treat me like an annoyance that needs to be eliviated.